


Believe

by Nikita



Category: The X-Files
Genre: Abusive Relationship, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Schmoop, Sexual Violence, Trauma, mentions of child abuse, muldertorture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-04
Updated: 2014-05-10
Packaged: 2018-01-21 20:59:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 3
Words: 27,394
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1563848
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nikita/pseuds/Nikita
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What if there was no consortium or Cancerman in Mulder's childhood?  An AU where Mulder still has the X-Files, but Alex is just another agent and a friend.  Mulder embarks on a longterm relationship with the wrong person, can Alex help him before it is too late?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Not for Me

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: Abusive relationships, non-con and more. Reader discretion is advised. 
> 
> I wrote this years and years ago. Thought I'd share it here just in case someone might enjoy reading it again or for the first time.
> 
> Original A.N.: This is also a response to a RatB Forum line of discussion in which one member pointed out that while there are plenty of Skinner saves Mulder from bad relationship fics out there…there are no real Krycek saves Mulder from a relationship fics. So, Nikita comes to the rescue and provides a little What if? What if Mulder and Krycek weren’t involved with the conspiracy and there was no consortium interference? What if Mulder’s bad childhood wasn’t the result of aliens? 
> 
> Thanks to Carol for her kind words and encouragement. Had to give you something to chew on… : )

XXX

 

He wasn’t exactly sure when exactly he’d managed to fuck up his life so badly. 

Was it the day he’d met Jack? The day he’d looked up to the policeman who’d been assigned as liaison to him at the local office during a case? No, it was fucked up long before that. Before Samantha’s disappearance. His father had been a harsh man, a lousy drunk that took his anger and frustration out on his wife and children. Or child, after Samantha was gone. Not that he’d ever hit Samantha much before her disappearance. Mulder was the fuck-up. Mulder was the one that tripped over his large feet, forgot to pick up his books, and a million other little mistakes. When he’d finally moved out of the house and gone to Oxford he’d thought he’d left all of that behind. Left his childhood behind and with it his sense of failure in pleasing those he loved. 

Only you can’t out run your past. It’s your history. 

And you’re doomed to repeat it. 

 

Jack Perkins, tall, black hair, and blue eyes that you just couldn’t help admiring. Mulder had been struck by the man’s eyes right away. The way they seemed to pierce his soul, gleaming with intimate knowledge of Mulder before they’d finished shaking hands. Mulder had found himself unusually tongue tied around the man. His usual jokes and sarcasm were absent and he’d found himself being strictly professional and courteous. Aberrant behavior and Scully had immediately picked up on it.

He ‘really’ shouldn’t have teased Scully about that Sheriff during the vampire case. She’d been quick to tease him about his own infatuation with a local cop that very evening while working on the case notes in her motel room that night.

XXX

Picking up a slice of pizza, Scully let her pen drop onto the bed alongside her notes. She watched Mulder with an amused smirk. Taking a bite, she waited until he sighed and left his own notes in favor of dinner as well. Noticing her attention he quirked an eye at her as he bit into his own slice of pepperoni and mushroom.

“So, are you planning a private conference with Lieutenant Perkins on this case?” Watching Mulder choke on his bite was definitely a satisfying image. 

Wiping his mouth he finally managed to swallow his pizza and raise his eyebrows at her. “Uh, no. Why do you ask?” 

‘Going to play innocent, are we? All right, Mulder.’ “Oh, I don’t know. You two seemed to hit it off this morning.” Scully nonchalantly took another bite.

Mulder’s eyes narrowed ever so slightly. “Lt. Perkins is competent, but I see no need to involve him in this case more than necessary. The police here have proven they aren’t exactly ‘open-minded’ in alternate explanations to these missing person cases.”

Scully wasn’t particularly interested in discussing the case and she was sick of this game. “Oh, come off it, Mulder. You’re interested in Detective Perkins for more than just official business. He’s cute. And he’s definitely interested in you. He was checking out your ass at the scene.”

Mulder gave up any hope of finishing his dinner, tossing the slice down he glared furiously at her. “Scully!” Standing up to storm out of her room and into his, he suddenly stopped at the adjoining door. “Was he really?” 

Scully snorted but then took pity on him. “Yes, he definitely liked the view.”

Mulder gave her one last irritated look before closing the door.

XXX

How the relationship ever got so far was beyond Mulder. Having never been in a serious long term relationship before, he’d let Jack take the lead and set the pace. Looking back on it that might have been his first mistake.

“Fox?” Jack was brushing Mulder’s bangs off his sweaty forehead as he watched him intently. After a long session of make out sex after a petty argument, Mulder was a little too tired to concentrate.

“Hmmmmm?” He groaned and arched his back, eyes closed as he enjoyed Jack’s attentions.

“I think we should live together. I’ve been looking at apartment listings and I found the perfect place. Now that my transfer is through, I can move up here this week.”

Mulder tensed slightly. Sensing this, Jack stroked his temples, watching him closely. Mulder finally opened his eyes and was slightly startled to find Jack’s blue eyes gazing intently upon him only inches away. “Uh…okay. I’m not sure about my lease, though…and I’m really busy at work right now…”

Jack grinned and gave him a quick peck. “No problem, I’ll take care of everything! I’ll talk to your landlord and hire some movers. You don’t have to do a thing.”

 

And that was that. Five days later Mulder found himself driving to a new apartment after work. Gone was his leather couch (it didn’t go with Jack’s decor), gone were his fish (there was only one left anyway, and Jack didn’t like fish), and gone were most of his casual clothes (Honestly, Fox! You should dress nicer after work; I’ll help you pick out some new clothes…). Not that Mulder minded much. It was a nicer apartment, really. White walls, white carpet with white and black furniture. Very modern, very sterile. Jack had bought some new art for the living room walls and Mulder had hung them where Jack told him to. It was…nice. Definitely different from his old dark and dingy apartment. Mulder was relieved to not have to fuss with any of the details himself. Jack was so good at it and he liked it.

So, Mulder found himself in his office one evening working late on a report that was due the next morning. Scully had gone for a refill of coffee and he’d absently answered the phone as it rang.

“Mulder.”

“Fox. Do you have ‘any’ idea what time it is?”

Mulder pinched his nose beneath his reading glasses and squinted at the clock on the wall. “Uh, 9:30, why? Oh, I forgot to call. Sorry. Skinner’s on a rampage and I have to finish this report. Scully-”

Jack cut him off, “Scully’s there, too?”

Mulder frowned but leaned back in his chair for a stretch. “Well, yeah. She’s finishing her notes now. I think we’ll be done in another hour. I’ll be home as soon as possible.”

There was a short silence and a small exhale. Mulder winced slightly. He hadn’t meant to upset Jack, but he was relieved when his lover finally chuckled dryly. “That’s okay, Fox. I didn’t mean to sound like a jealous harpy. I was just a little concerned. I was worried you might still be on the field and gotten hurt. You’re so accident prone. I have to keep my eye on you.”

“Ha, ha. I’m fine. Scully will save me from any flesh eating mutants that might show up here. I should have called. I’ve got to go, I’ll be home soon.”

“You better, lover.” Jack’s throaty voice promised Mulder that he wouldn’t be sleeping anytime soon. Scully returned with her cup of coffee and returned to work with a sigh. Usually they’d finish the report over the weekend rather than work all night Friday for a report due Monday, but Mulder didn’t want to have to explain the necessity to Jack so he’d bribed her into finishing it with him late tonight. 

“Mulder. It’s late and we’ve still got a couple of hours of work to do before Monday and I’m so tired I can’t see straight. Let’s just finish it over the weekend.”

Mulder sighed and finally nodded, he’d just have to explain it to Jack. “All right. How about Sunday at your place?”

Scully nodded gratefully and swept up her files and jacket.

Mulder stayed another hour, trying to finish as much as he could without her before leaving the office. He was tired, but looking forward to getting home to his lover.

XXX

11:00 pm  
Apartment #322

 

Home at last. Mulder was exhausted, but he carefully hung his coat on the rack by the door. Jack was a real neat freak and it was better to avoid a fight about something so small. Toeing off his shoes, he carried them and his brief case up the stairs to the bedroom. The bedroom was dark and disappointed as he was, Mulder decided not to wake his lover. He’d just take a shower and go to sleep. He was exhausted.

Setting his shoes down inside the closet he suddenly flinched as the light came on abruptly. “It’s about time, Fox.”

Straightening, Mulder glanced over at the bed. Jack lounged in bed, naked except for the barest slip of sheet that covered his legs, coming to rest dangerously low on his hip. Swallowing, Mulder gazed at him appreciatively. “You didn’t have to wait up, Jack.”

Jack raised one elegant black eyebrow. “Oh, yes I did. I had to wait for my bad boy to come home for his punishment. Come to bed, Fox.” Mulder forgot all about his shower and quickly stripped.

Jack didn’t wait for him to finish. Standing up, he let the sheet fall and strode hungrily to Mulder, helping him finish undressing with a bit more force than strictly necessary. Strong hands gripped Mulder’s biceps painfully. A hot demanding kiss claimed Mulder’s mouth.

Finally releasing Mulder’s mouth, but not his arms, Jack nuzzled his neck and then bit him, sharply and without warning.

“Ow! Jack!” Mulder gasped at the violent expression that Jack shot him as he faced Mulder again. 

“Quiet, Fox. This is your punishment.” Jack lowered his head again and licked the bruised flesh before biting again. Jacks right hand released his arm and scraped his nails down Mulder’s back. Rubbing their cocks together hard, Mulder gasped and groaned, relaxing into the onslaught.

Several minutes later, Mulder found himself on his hands and knees on their bed, grunting at the impact of Jack’s rough lovemaking. It was his usual position. Jack never allowed him to switch roles or positions. The one time he’d attempted to take control of their lovemaking, he’d found himself firmly denied. Jack had gripped his wrist hard enough to leave black and blue marks the next day and through gritted teeth he’d told Mulder that he didn’t bottom. He refused to discuss it or answer questions.

A particularly powerful thrust and Jack’s punishing grip on his cock ripped his release from him in a loud cry. Jack grunted and waited until Mulder sagged onto the bed, face turned to the side, relaxed, before resuming his punishing pace. As Mulder clutched the sheets to keep his body from moving off the bed with the forceful thrusts, he considered Jack’s insistence at always topping. It could be a sign of past abuse: unable to give up control or enjoy sex that way.

Jack came with an explosive and triumphant shout. Collapsing, he pressed his sweaty body onto Mulder’s and claimed Mulder’s lips with a possessive kiss. 

It didn’t matter. He loved Jack. He could be what Jack needed…what he wanted. 

XXX

Saturday  
11:35 a.m.

 

Alex Krycek checked his watch for the umpteenth time that morning. Mulder was late. 

Again. 

He and Mulder had been playing basketball together for years, but lately Mulder was distracted. Late, less focused and he’d canceled on Alex numerous times during the last few months. Alex knew he was in a new relationship, and he was happy for Mulder…kind of. But enough was enough! 

Tossing a few hoops he resigned himself to another lone practice when Mulder came trotting in with an apologetic expression on his face. “Alex! Sorry. I slept a little late. Been waiting long?”

Alex didn’t look up from the ball, examining it with exaggerated enthusiasm. “You could say that. I’ve been waiting all morning. I was just getting ready to go grab some lunch.” Alex finally decided to look up at his friend. Mulder was pulling off his sweatshirt, revealing his usual tank top underneath. Alex’s eyes widened at the sight of large finger shaped bruises on Mulder’s arms. As his eyes drifted up to look at Mulder’s face he found his gaze caught by a large wound on Mulder’s neck. Was it…yes, a bite mark. A rather angry looking, purpling bite mark that made Alex wince.

“Geez, Mulder. Your cases are dangerous. Another freak that watched too many old horror flicks?”

Mulder stared at him as if he’d spoken in tongues. “Huh?”

Pointing at the bite mark he raised a sardonic brow. “The love-bite on your neck, Mulder. Another kid that forgot his fake vampire teeth?”

Mulder’s hand went automatically to his neck. He winced slightly before giving Alex a rueful grin. “Oh, yeah. Kids today. Anyway, do you still want to shoot some hoops?”

Alex shrugged, they played for an hour or so. Playing for their usual stakes, Mulder was buying lunch for once. While they were both fit and athletic, Mulder was the better basketball player. Alex relished his rare win, but not without realizing that Mulder wasn’t exactly in top form that morning. “Yes! Burgers are on you, Mulder. And no McDonalds, either, I want a good pub burger. I know just the place.”

 

Mulder had shrugged good naturedly and they’d gone off to shower quickly before leaving. Two men passed them as they entered the empty locker room. Stripping, they both headed to the nearest shower head to wash off. Alex allowed himself a glance at Mulder. It was all he ever let himself have. He’d had a bit of an infatuation with Mulder since the day he’d met him. Tall, lean and an off-beat sense of humor. Alex had been attracted to him right away, but he’d been in the middle of a turbulent, but waning relationship at the time. Even after the relationship had ended, he and Mulder had never been at the right place or time to start anything, busy careers and lives had simply gotten in the way. Mulder had rarely had more than a date or two at a time and Alex had thought he’d have plenty of time and opportunity to finally deepen their relationship. 

Which was why he’d been so surprised when Mulder had gone away on a case single and returned with a steady boyfriend several months ago. He hadn’t even met Jack, yet. All he knew about him was that he was handsome, charismatic and rather possessive. Mulder never talked about him, but Scully’d let some information slip over the water cooler to him and other coworkers. When Mulder had casually informed him of his new address and phone number Alex had been surprised. The relationship was far more serious and developing faster than he’d ever imagined. He had to accept that Mulder wasn’t free anymore and he’d missed his chance. Still, Mulder was a great friend and Alex didn’t want to lose it over a petty jealousy or spilled milk. He’d be there for Mulder and who knew, maybe some day…

Alex’s brief glance drew his eyes to those vibrant bruises once more. They looked rather painful, but didn’t really account for Mulder’s old-man stiffness and inflexibility on court. In fact, Alex had actually held back a little when he’d realized just how hurt Mulder must be as they’d played. They were both FBI agents and had both been hurt in the line of duty at one time or another so it wasn’t that unusual, but Alex was concerned. Mulder had a tendency to avoid doctors and hospitals when hurt and the way he was moving made Alex worry he was hiding a more serious injury. The other man stretched slightly under the spray and the muscles of his back flexed as he arched with cat like grace. Mulder turned his back to Alex as he stretched and Alex’s eyes were inevitably drawn to Mulder’s ass which sported a few more bruises. 

‘Aaah. So that bite on his neck, really ‘is’ a love bite. No wonder Mulder was so tight lipped about it. This’ll be fun.’ Alex grinned and finished cleaning up. As the two men pulled out clothes from their lockers and started dressing, Alex leaned over and nudged Mulder’s shoulder with his own. Mulder glanced up and Alex grinned wolfishly. “Had a rather rough night last night, eh, Mulder?”

Mulder acted innocent. “What?”

Alex rolled his eyes and pulled on his boxerbriefs. “I guess the vampire messed up the bite on your neck because he was too busy groping your ass then. Really, Mulder. You’ve got bruises on your hips and butt. I hate to think what Jack’s sporting today. You two really went at each other, hmm? I guess the honeymoon isn’t over yet.” Mulder flushed and shrugged, sitting down to put on his socks. His light-gray boxers had little spaceships and aliens on it that looked like they’d glow in the dark. 

“I guess not.” 

Alex noticed Mulder’s exaggerated care in sitting down and smirked. Pulling on his black jeans and shirt, Alex squashed the little feeling of jealousy that flared at the thought of Mulder and Jack having a wild night together. Maybe it was time he gave up on his unavailable friend and found someone of his own. He sat down to put his own socks and shoes on and watched Mulder stand up once more. Mulder was definitely moving slower today and he was still reaching for his pants. Alex’s eyes were caught by a little splash of contrasting color on Mulder’s boxers. Taking a closer look he noticed it was a small rusty patch at the seat. Blood.

Jumping up he grabbed Mulder’s arm, unfortunately he grabbed him on a bruise and Mulder yelped slightly turning to face him with an irritated look. “What?”

“Well…sorry, but are you aware that you’re still bleeding?” Alex suddenly felt tongue tied. 

Mulder flushed for the second time and jerked his arm out of his grip. “Oh, don’t worry about it. I’m fine.”

Alex let his hand drop, but didn’t step away immediately. “Are you sure? You should have it checked out if-”

“I’m fine, Alex. I just got…carried away a little last night. Really, it’s fine. Now, I’m starved. Let’s hurry up and get out of here.” Mulder quickly pulled on some clean black sweatpants and a t-shirt.

Alex sat back down to finish tying his shoes, jerking the laces with irritated jerky movements. Jack was the one that seemed to have gotten carried away and the fact that Mulder didn’t want to wear any jeans just proved he was in worse shape than he’d let on.

Lunch was more subdued than usual and Alex’s food tasted like sawdust, even though they’d gone to his favorite restaurant. As they parted ways, Alex found himself watching Mulder walk away with not a little worry, but angrily told himself to stop it. Mulder was a grown man and if he had a little bit of rough sex with his boyfriend that was his business. Alex decided to hit a bar that night. Maybe it was time he got back to socializing again.

XXX

 

Mulder dropped his gym bag on the floor tiredly as he shrugged off his jacket. He was exhausted and in pain. He just wanted to take a couple of Advil and maybe a nap before Jack was due home from visiting a relative. Glancing down at his bag again he decided to get it later, the thought of bending over for it wasn’t appealing just now. Mulder downed a few pain killers and fell asleep on top of the covers, shoes still on his feet.

He woke to some one tugging off his shoes with hard, irritated tugs. Blearily he lifted his head and saw Jack jerk off his last shoe and toss them into the closet with a curse. “Damn it, Fox, you can’t take off your shoes when you get into bed?” 

Mulder sat up, “Oh, sorry. I didn’t realize.”

“And did you also not realize that your gym bag was in the middle of the floor? I nearly tripped on it. Go put it away.” 

Mulder crawled out of the bed and walked back into the living room. His gym bag was where he left it, out of the way under the table by the front door. Pulling it out he brought it back into the bedroom. Jack had straightened the comforter and was changing clothes.

“Sorry.” Mulder mumbled and shoved his bag in the back of his closet. He walked into the bathroom and turned on the shower. Bending over the faucet he was surprised by hands slipping under his shirt and caressing him roughly. 

“Mmmm, I missed you today. Did you get a good workout?” Jack caressed his flat stomach and reached up to tweak his nipples. Mulder never mentioned that he played basketball with Alex on Saturdays. Jack was jealous enough about Scully at work; Mulder didn’t want to think about how jealous Jack would be about Alex, he just let his lover think he worked out alone at the gym.

“Yeah. I’m a little sore.” Mulder pulled out of his grasp and stripped quickly, entering the shower. Jack pulled back the curtain once more and stepped in behind him. 

“Yeah? I could help you with that…” Jack rubbed his shoulders and Mulder leaned into the touch, but as Jack’s hands dipped lower Mulder tensed. 

“Uh, that’s not going to help me with my soreness.” Mulder pulled away slightly, but was stopped by Jack’s hands on his hips.

“I’ll be gentle.” Jack grabbed the shampoo bottle as Mulder gritted his teeth but remained where he was. A finger circled his anus gently at first and then slowly slipped in, rubbing irritated tissues. Jack was gentle, but insistent. Mulder bit his lip at the sting of the shampoo and the pain of the intrusion as he was pressed face first against the wall. Bracing himself, Mulder bent slightly and grunted with the first thrust. Jack’s hands gripped his hips harder and he grunted into Mulder’s ear. “Unh…oh, so hot…tight…unh…so sweet…come on…” A hand slipped around Mulder’s waist and caressed Mulder’s cock, but it was only half mast. Mulder couldn’t help being slightly aroused, but the pain kept him from a full erection. Jack’s fingers gave up and returned to their grip on Mulder’s hip. A powerful thrust wrung a cry from Mulder and he lost all interest, his dick hanging limp as he struggled not to slip with each crushing thrust against the bathroom tiles.

Jack continued to fuck him for several minutes, “Oh, god…fuck…unh…take it…” His lover finally came, thrusting into Mulder with jerky movements. Mulder closed his eyes and waited for him to finally finish and pull out and was surprised when Jack refused to for several minutes, pushing Mulder into the wall for several minutes as he leaned on him. 

Finally, he slipped out of him and pushed himself off of Mulder. Chuckling, he pulled Mulder off of his plastered position from the wall. “You slut…always horny…you make me lose control.” He leaned forward and bit Mulder’s already bruised and puffy lower lip. 

“Excuse me? You’re the horny bastard. I told you I was too sore-” Mulder knew better, but he couldn’t help being pissed off at this.

Jack growled, but kept smiling. “You loved it. Shut up and wash up. I invited my family over for dinner.” Jack lathered himself up and rinsed off, leaving Mulder staring after him. Jack had washed off his bloody dick without comment. Red swirls had filled the tub and quickly washed down the drain and his lover had glanced at it with detached amusement. Mulder stood under the spray as long as he dared, washing himself as best he could. He had thought that he’d hurt before. He wondered if he should take Alex’s advice and get a check up at a clinic. He wasn’t looking forward to sitting down at dinner.

XXX

Dinner was tense and artificially polite as it always was with Jack’s family. Jack’s parents didn’t approve of their lifestyle, but instead of aiming their icy disproval at their precious son, they blamed Mulder for corrupting him. 

“So, ‘Fox’ how’s your work?” Jack’s mother always stressed his name in just such a way as to show how contemptuous she was of both his name and him. Mulder hated that Jack’s family called him by his first name, but Jack insisted, just as he insisted that he could call Mulder by that name.

“Fine, Mrs. Perkins. I’m busy as always. And how are you?” The Perkins ate dinner with subdued grace, silverware clinked and they took turns grilling Mulder over his career and lifestyle at every turn. Jack had done most of the cooking, but it was Mulder’s job to serve and get up every few moments to fill everyone’s glass. The fact that he moved slowly and stiffly was a source of amusement to Jack who gave him a wicked grin when his parents weren’t looking. 

When dinner was finally finished, Jack and his parents retired to the living room as Mulder cleaned the table. He took a minute each time he returned to the kitchen to lean against the counter. Fists clenched he struggled to force the pain to a tolerable level before returning to the dining room. Jack swept in as he was resting once more and gave him an annoyed look. 

“What’s taking you so long? I told you to bring out the coffee when it finished. Mom wants her coffee.” Mulder glanced at the full coffee pot and reached up in the cabinet before him for cups and saucers. Gasping as a bolt of pain shot up his spine at the movement, Mulder nearly dropped a saucer. Jack grabbed the dish from his hand and shoved him out of the way.

“Damn it, Fox! I’ll do this. Just fill the dishwasher and come out. You’re being rude.” Jack filled three cups of coffee and carried them out to the living room on a small tray. Mulder did as he said and grabbed his own cup of coffee before plastering a polite smile on his face and joining the Perkins.

XXX

Jack was cold to him in bed that night. Turning out the lights, his lover had rolled over, his back to him as he gave him the silent treatment. Mulder shifted all night, trying to find a position that didn’t hurt. He watched the hours slip by. 

He must have finally dozed off because the Jack woke him with a hand on his cheek. “Good morning, Mary Sunshine!” Jack chuckled at his disgruntled groan as he shoved Jack’s hand off his face and tried to press his nose into the pillow.

“Oh, come on, Fox. The day’s a wasting! Up and at ‘em!” Mulder pretended not to hear him. Jack decided it was time for more persuasive arguments. Stealing under the covers, his hand snaked out to touch Mulder-

An angry yelp leaped from Mulder’s throat as he jerked away from his touch. “Don’t touch me, damn it, Jack!” Jack pulled back with an offended look, but Mulder wasn’t having any of it this morning. “I’m up! And I’m taking a shower… Alone!” As the door slammed behind him, Jack slowly turned his attention from the door and looked at the light blue sheets that had been revealed when Mulder tossed the comforter off. Blood.

Jack found himself staring absently at the particularly dark red stain without moving until he heard a painful groan from the bathroom. 

“Fox?”

XXX

Later that day…

 

Mulder wiped at the cold sweat that had broken out on his face as he’d walked up to Scully’s apartment. The doctor at the clinic Jack had driven him to had told him to get plenty of bed rest along with his medications, but he’d promised Jack he’d be quick in finishing up his work with Scully and then go home to bed.

Knocking on the door, Mulder wiped his face again quickly and tucked the Kleenex in his pocket as he squared his shoulders. Scully opened the door with a distracted frown, her eyes on a piece of paper in her hand.

“About time, pizza’s on the table and you are going to come up with a better explanation for the damage to the Brinkley’s living room than ‘the ghost didn’t like their wallpaper.’ Skinner isn’t going to let that go.”

Mulder stepped around her and into the apartment. “And hello to you, too, Scully. I told you, the poltergeist ripped the wallpaper off the wall right in front of me. Don’t you believe me?” A snide comment or two later and Mulder was sitting gingerly on Scully’s overstuffed sofa cushions. 

Of course Scully managed to look up in time to notice ‘that.’ “What’s the matter, Mulder? Rough night?” She smirked as she grabbed a slice and sat down next to him. Mulder shifted slightly as the cushions dipped from her weight next to him and he winced and a very soft groan escaped him.

Concerned she examined his face and then dropped her pizza back in the box as she gently moved to the side to look at him closely. “You don’t look good, Mulder. You’re pale and sweaty.”

Mulder winced as he gave a lame attempt at a smile, “Thanks, you look great, too.”

“No, I’m serious.” She lifted a hand to his forehead. “You have a fever…”

Mulder batted her hand aside and grabbed the soda she’d left out for him. “Yeah, I’ve got an antibiotic I’m supposed to take, I’m fine.” He pulled out a bottle and shook out his pills. Swallowing them with the lukewarm soda he started to drop the bottle back in his pocket when she stopped him. As usual, Dr. Scully checked his prescription and the doctor prescribing it. 

“Well?” She asked as she handed back the bottle. “You never voluntarily go to the doctor when you’re sick, Mulder.”

Mulder grabbed a folder and flipped it open. “Yeah, well, like you said, it was a rough night. I don’t feel like talking about it, okay?”

Scully frowned, “A rough night? Are you two-”

Mulder flicked his eyes up at her and glared before returning his gaze at his report. “I do not need a lecture on safe sex from you, Scully.”

Raising her eyebrows, she gave in and reached over for her own notes as she heard him mutter under his breath. “Especially after I already heard it today.”

XXX

Monday  
9:15 a. m.

Skinner was reading their report with a familiar frown. Scully glanced over at Mulder and wished for the tenth time that morning that he’d stayed home in bed. The stubborn man was sitting ever so slightly to the side in his chair, a line of pain creased in his forehead.

“Very well, agents, if there is nothing further…” Scully looked back at her boss and shook her head. 

“No, sir.” Skinner glanced at Mulder who was pushing himself out of the chair like an old man. 

“Are you alright, Agent Mulder?” Skinner’s eyes were hidden by the reflection off his glasses, but his voice was full of fatherly concern.

“Fine, sir.” Mulder walked to the door at a sedate pace, Scully trailed after him. As she closed the door behind them she thought she noticed a frown of concern on his face as he stared after them.

Catching up with her partner at the elevator, Scully tried not to stare at him. 

“Scully, you’re staring.” 

Sighing she decided to confront him, “Look, Mulder. You’re not feeling up to work today, why don’t you-”

“I think I’ll call it a day, Scully. Go home and get some bed rest.” Scully raised her eyebrows and dropped her hands. 

“Oh…good. I’ll call you later and check up on you, then.” 

Mulder smirked at stealing her thunder and nodded. 

XXX

Making sure his briefcase was stowed away and his suit in the dry cleaning bag, Mulder finally allowed himself to collapse onto the bed for a nap. By collapse, he meant gingerly sitting and easing himself down onto his side. His ass was in flames. The painkillers just zonked him out so he’d avoided taking them until getting home. Popping a pill now, he washed it down with a cup of water from his bedside table. Glancing at his clock he realized it was lunchtime, but was in far too much pain to contemplate getting up. As the pill worked, he drifted off into a deep drugged slumber.

A hand stroked his cheek and Mulder fuzzily tried to clear his head and open his eyes.

“Whaa-?” Blinking, he saw Jack smiling tenderly at him as he leaned down for a chaste kiss on his forehead.

“Hey, Fox. I just got home, how are you feeling?” Mulder grinned slightly; it was moments like this that reminded him why he was glad to be with Jack. His lover could be very sweet sometimes.

“Oh…I’m fine. Just a little zonked from the pills.” Mulder shifted as he tried to sit up and groaned as he reawakened the pain. 

Jack steadied him as he propped pillows up behind his back. “Better? I thought I’d bring you some dinner in bed and we could just spend the night in here. I even brought you your weird magazine. It was with the rest of the mail downstairs.”

Mulder glanced at the latest copy of ‘the Magic Bullet’ that Jack handed him. He’d forgotten to get the mail even though he was home first. “Oh, sorry, I forgot-”

Jack shook his head, “That’s okay, you’re sick. I’ll go make us some food.” His lover gave him a peck, this time on the cheek and left the room. Mulder watched him leave; squashing the slight feeling of nervousness he had at Jack’s easy acceptance.

After dinner, Jack cleaned up and Mulder took his pills again, as his eyes drifted shut he felt Jack cuddle him close as he sat up reading a book. The occasional flick of a page was hypnotic. Feeling warm and comforted, Mulder drifted off feeling better than he had in weeks. 

XXX

 

A couple of weeks went by, normal ones where Mulder and Scully closed a few bizarre cases and most Saturdays Mulder and Alex played basketball. Jack had been acting unusually conciliatory and there had been no arguments or yelling over the day-to-day chores and Mulder’s messiness or late hours. 

As Mulder snagged the ball from Alex’s hands and made a shot, he realized that he was actually feeling nervous about that. 

It was strange. Jack was acting far more easygoing and loving since ‘the incident’ as Mulder called it. He cuddled more, didn’t raise his voice often…Mulder knew he should be thrilled. But instead he felt like it was only a matter of time before the other shoe dropped. 

Shaking off this paranoid line of thought, Mulder turned his attention back to the game. He wanted to focus on his free time with Alex today, not on his delusions of life being a little too perfect.

 

X.X.X

 

Alex watched as Mulder made another beautiful shot. He wasn’t irritated; he actually enjoyed watching Mulder mop up the court with him. Mulder’s grace and athletic ability was a thing of beauty. 

Alex snorted at himself for the sappy thought, he was finally dating a little again, but it was painfully clear to Alex that he was far from over Mulder. Every date he went on he found himself measuring his date against Mulder. David wasn’t nearly as funny or smart. John had similar eyes, but they just didn’t mesmerize Alex the same way… It was frustrating as hell and driving Alex crazy. If he could just get over his infatuation, maybe another guy would stand a chance in a date with him.

“Aaaleeex? Hey, Alex!! You okay?” Alex blinked and found those mesmerizing eyes studying him with playful concern. 

“Huh? Yeah, just distracted…” Alex made a grab for the ball, but Mulder easily avoided him and started circling him, ball dribbling expertly in his hands as he taunted him.

“Yeah, suure, you just keep telling yourself that’s why you’re losing! Come on, Alex, do you want to play or not? Huh? Huh?” Mulder taunted him some more, weaving the ball around Alex, just out of reach. The playful taunts delivered by his sexy voice grating on Alex’s last nerve until he snapped. Reaching out he managed to knock the ball out of Mulder’s hands, sending it bouncing toward the bleachers. 

“No, I don’t.” Alex stalked past Mulder, suddenly furious at the other man. He had to get away from him. How could he take it any more? Mulder only saw him as a buddy. Someone to play a game with and maybe grab a beer. He had no clue.

“Wait! Alex, what’s wrong?” Mulder trotted after him, all playfulness abandoned and real concern on his face. Alex knew that he normally would have risen to the earlier challenge and trounced him thoroughly just to remove the smug look from his face, and laughed while doing it, but right now he just couldn’t stand it.

Alex wiped his face off with his shirt and grabbed his water bottle with a death grip, squeezing his eyes shut as Mulder neared. Opening them he deliberately took a long swig of lukewarm water. “Nothing. I’m just not up to a game today. Next week, okay?” Stepping around Mulder he headed for the showers. Mulder followed him in a minute later.

Ignoring the other man, Alex stripped and started lathering under the shower’s spray. His eyes were closed to avoid soap in his eyes when he felt someone bump into him. Opening his eyes, he grimaced as the soap burned his right eye. “Damn it, Mulder!” 

Mulder glanced at him from under the next shower jet in surprise and then realized what the problem was. Leaving the showers he came back with a towel and Alex grabbed it thankfully, rubbing his eyes. “Thanks.” He then gritted his teeth and let out a muttered, “Sorry.”

“For what?” Mulder returned to rinsing soap from his torso and Alex shrugged, tossing the towel to the side. 

“For yelling at you, I got soap in my eyes. And well, earlier on the court, I took my frustration out on you, too. I’m sorry. I’m just not myself today.” Turning off the spray, Alex walked over to the lockers, drying himself and struggling with his irrational anger.

Why was he so mad, anyway? Mulder was clueless, but that wasn’t his fault. It’s not like Alex had ever told him. And he wouldn’t. He’d just have to get over it. He listened as Mulder finished his shower and headed in his direction. He had to keep his cool, he didn’t want to risk his friendship over this.

Mulder watched Alex leave the showers. He was confused. Alex seemed distracted and angry, but not at Mulder. He’d apologized for taking it out on Mulder, too. Alex was a damn good friend. Always willing to listen, eager to help, and he rarely seemed to lose his temper with Mulder. He’d apologized for such a trivial thing as snapping at him. Why couldn’t Jack be more like that? Not just lately, but all the time. 

The brief traitorous thought surprised him. Why on earth would he expect Jack to be any different than he was? Jack loved him. Lived with him. He knew what Mulder was like…Alex only saw him at work or on the court…if he and Alex were together… Mulder snorted and turned off the water. As if Alex would be interested in him. No, it was better to be just friends. After all, if Alex lived with him he’d soon realize all of Mulder’s faults and hate him. He was lucky to have Jack. He dried himself off and watched his friend pull a shirt over his head. 

“Alex? I don’t know what’s wrong, but if you ever need to talk, I’m here.” His voice was quiet, but he tried to sound casual enough that Alex didn’t get upset.

He was relieved when Alex looked up with his usual easy smile. “I know. Let me buy us some lunch. I found a great Greek restaurant I think you’ll like”

Mulder chuckled as he listened to Alex describe their delicious baklava and strong sweet coffee. Alex had quite a sweet tooth. He was half Russian and half Greek, although neither of those explained his own last name, Krycek. Apparently, Alex’s Russian grandfather had changed the name somewhere along the line and it was hopelessly corrupted. Mulder wondered how Alex’s Greek grandmother was, he’d met her once and she’d seemed such a sweet old lady.

As Alex trailed off, Mulder finished tying his shoes and stood up. “What about your Yiayia? Doesn’t she still make the best baklava? How is she?”

Alex smiled sadly. “She’s okay, but too tired these days to make it much. I took her some baklava from that restaurant last time I visited her, but she said it wasn’t as good as hers. She’s right, but it’s better than most. She asks about you all the time, you know. She liked you.”

Mulder smiled warmly. Nice to know he could make a good impression on someone’s relatives. “Tell her I said hi. And that I agree…no one makes better food than her. Those cookies you gave me that last time were great. Too bad she’s not feeling good.”

Alex nodded and made a mental note to tell Yiayia how much she was still appreciated. Maybe he could bring Mulder over to see her again. They’d gotten along rather well. 

Lunch was eaten with great gusto, Alex left with another small box of pastries to tempt his grandmother with and Mulder drove home with a wistful smile on his face.

 

XXX

 

The other shoe finally dropped a week later. 

Jack had returned home from his night out with his buddies from work. Drunken, Jack had blown into a fit of rage over Mulder’s ‘clutter’ of papers on the coffee table. As Mulder tried to pick them up, Jack backhanded him. A hand on his face where it burned, Mulder had stared at him wide-eyed. 

“Clean up this mess, Fox!” Jack grabbed his wrist and pulled his hand away from his face in a punishing grip, squeezing it threateningly before letting go. Stumbling to the bedroom, he left Mulder alone in the living room. 

Conflicting thoughts and emotions swirled in Mulder’s head. He felt a flash of anger, of course, but mainly he felt strangely relieved. Jack’s behavior was understandable. ‘He’s drunk. I shouldn’t have left these papers on the table. I know he doesn’t like anything left out like that…’ 

Cleaning up he noticed his hands were trembling and felt another, stronger, flash of anger. ‘So stupid! I should’ve realized… I’ll clean it up and apologize and everything will be fine.’

XXX

At work Mulder was quiet. No sunflower seeds, no flipping pencils at the ceiling or cracking jokes. He worked at his desk with intense concentration and flashed Scully his completed report well within the deadline.

In short, Scully was worried. 

“Hey, Mulder, any plans for this weekend?” Scully asked casually as she sipped her coffee. 

Mulder glanced up and then tossed his pen down with a sigh, leaning back in his seat as he stretched his arms up and behind his head.

“No, why? Gotta hot date?” 

Scully gave him the eye and then grabbed another folder. “No. I was just wondering if you and Jack were planning any-”

“Jack’s out of town this weekend, his brother’s having some party or something. I was planning on relaxing. In fact, I think I’ll go for a swim after we finish.” Mulder stood up and grabbed a file off of her desk, the cuff of his shirt was pushed up slightly and she noticed a large purple bruise.

“What happened here?” Scully reached out, but Mulder glanced down and jerked his hand back quickly. 

“Nothing. Banged it playing basketball. So how come you aren’t on a hot date this weekend? I thought you were seeing that doctor.”

Scully sighed, “He turned out to be married,” she grimaced and sipped her coffee again. Why had she brought up hot dates?

“Want me to have a little talk with him?” Mulder’s attempt at a joke failed as his voice came out low and serious. Scully glanced up in surprise and then smiled gently. He sounded like an older brother just then, protective instincts at red alert.

“No, Mulder. I took care of that already. And his wife was interested to hear from me, too.” Mulder nodded and smiled back, but his protective watchfulness took longer to fade.

“So, since we’re both free, wanna grab some Chinese and rent a movie, then?” Mulder tossed another file onto her desk from his own, the folder opened and papers scattered across her desk. Back from being protective and right into acting like an obnoxious older brother. Scully scooped the papers up and shook her head. 

“No, I promised Melissa I’d go over to her apartment tonight and then we’re going shopping over the weekend. You’re welcome to come…” Scully smirked as Mulder made a gagging face and shook his head.

“Uh, no. You two have fun.”

Scully chuckled to herself and returned to her work, uncertain if the idea of shopping or hanging out with her New Age sister was the worst in his mind.

XXX

Hoover Pool

Krycek walked around the pool, watching as a lithe and graceful body sliced through the water. The rhythm was interrupted as Mulder poked his head up as he reached the edge of the pool and noticed Alex. Swimming over, he pulled himself up the latter and out of the pool. Alex noticed the bruise on his wrist and as he reached the top of the ladder, Alex could see more bruises on each hip. Alex quickly averted his gaze and smiled at Mulder. Water dribbled down his smooth chest as he removed his goggles and smiled at Alex.

Alex swallowed and tried to keep his eyes from drifting down and getting a better look at the skimpy speedo Mulder was sporting. ‘Why in the hell does he torture me like this?’

“Hey, Alex, what’s up?” 

Alex remembered that he could speak and found himself nervously tugging on his tie, why did the keep the indoor pool so heated? It was too hot. “Oh, I just heard you were in here and wanted to see if you wanted to grab a beer. I didn’t mean to interrupt…”

Mulder swiped his hair out of his eyes and wiped at his face. “No problem. I was finished.” Mulder frantically tried to think of an excuse about the beer. He really shouldn’t…Jack wouldn’t understand. As long as Alex and he just played basketball, it was really innocent…even if he didn’t tell Jack. But a beer? Alex looked a little nervous. Maybe he needed to talk to him about what was bothering him. He was a rotten friend if he didn’t go. “I could use a beer, give me a few minutes.” 

Alex nodded and left to wait outside. ‘Shit, what are you doing, Alex? You promised you wouldn’t tempt yourself…’

XXX

The bar was crowded and deafening as Mulder and Alex searched for an empty booth. The jukebox was blaring and people were celebrating Friday by making general fools of themselves. They finally snagged a booth and ordered drinks. While they waited Mulder grabbed the peanut bowl the waitress had plopped on the table. Alex glanced down at the long tapered fingers as they opened a shell. His gaze wondered up the fingers of the right hand up to the wrist that peeked out from the shirt cuff.

Their drinks arrived at that moment and after sipping his beer, Alex tilted his bottle, gesturing at Mulder’s wrist. Raising his voice to be heard over the din of the crowd, “So what happened this time?” he swigged his beer again before setting it down and reaching for a peanut. 

Mulder glanced at his own wrist as he held the beer. “Oh, banged it. So, what’s up with you?” His voice was also raised to be heard, making his usual flat monotone a bit higher.

‘Evasive maneuver, hmm, Mulder?’ Alex raised a brow. “Nothing.” Pausing, he shouted over to his companion again, “How’d you bang it? Looks nasty.”

Mulder set his beer down and leaned back in his seat slightly and shrugged. “Don’t remember.” His smile had become slightly stiff and his eyes were flinty. Alex knew he was treading on dangerous ground.

“Just wondered. How’s Jack?” Just as Alex finished asking, the juke box finished its song and the noise level dropped to a more comfortable level. 

Mulder shrugged again and grabbed his bottle, taking another swig before answering with his usual low voice. “Fine. Just fine. How’s your love life going?” 

“Look, Mulder…” Mulder looked ready to bolt, but his eyes challenged him to finish his sentence, “we are a little concerned-”

“We?” Mulder’s voice was a low growl.

Alex avoided his gaze, but continued, “Scully and I are a little concerned, Mulder. You’ve been acting a little odd lately. And the bruises -”

Mulder threw back his head and laughed a short barking laugh that made Alex uneasy. “You two! I banged my wrist, that’s all. And Jack and I…well, we get a little frisky, sometimes. It’s NONE of your business, either of you. Maybe if the two of you got out once in a while and dated…” The juke box was roaring again and their shouting went unnoticed amongst the crowd thankfully.

Alex glared at him, “Mulder -”

Mulder slammed his beer on the table a little harshly. “No, it’s none of your business. I’m a big bad FBI agent and I can take care of my own damn self. I banged my wrist, okay? I don’t remember when, maybe while we were fucking like animals and I banged it on the headboard, the point is it’s none of your business. And I’ll thank you to stay out of it. If that’s all you asked me out for a drink for, I think I’ll go, I’m tired.” Mulder pulled out his wallet and dropped some bills on the table before leaving. 

Alex stared after him with mixed feelings. He was still worried about Mulder, but overwhelmingly he felt as if he’d betrayed Mulder by overstepping the boundaries. He really shouldn’t have mentioned Scully or questioned Mulder’s story. Sighing, he picked at the label of his beer bottle and wondered how he’d managed to fuck up so bad.

 

XXX

Mulder growled as he slammed the car door shut. Damn the two of them anyway. Sticking their noses where they didn’t belong. 

As he drove towards home he realized that he smelled like cigarettes and alcohol. It was a damn good thing Jack wasn’t at home waiting for him. 

XXX

Saturday passed without the usual basketball game. Mulder left a message on Alex’s machine before he even got back from the bar saying he was busy, but they could play next week. Mulder was still seething from the betrayal, but he didn’t want to cut his friend off completely, just a little time to cool off. Besides, he was so tired… He slept most of Saturday away on the couch. 

 

Mulder was sitting in the dining room doing paperwork when Jack got back home Sunday night. Jack waltzed in with his bag and set it on the chair next to Mulder before swooping down behind him and embracing him tightly from behind. Mulder stiffened until Jack leaned over and kissed his ear, whispering, “I missed you, babe. You should have come with me…mmmmm…” Jack started kissing and biting his way down his neck and Mulder eased into it, ignoring the fact that Jack hadn’t asked him to come.

Jack’s arms remained tight around his shoulders, refusing to let Mulder raise his arms as Jack nibbled his way down to his collar before switching sides. Sucking on his earlobe, he then bit it hard before growling, “Let’s go to bed.”

Mulder jerked at the bite, but nodded slightly, smiling wanly. Jack finally released him and Mulder stood a little wobbly before reaching out and pulling Jack into a kiss. Jack allowed it before increasing the pressure, turning the kiss into a full frontal assault. 

When he finally released his mouth Mulder panted and then chuckled as Jack started tearing his shirt off him. “I thought you wanted to go to bed?” 

Jack growled and pulled him towards the bedroom. Stripping Mulder of his pants, he then pushed Mulder onto the bed before pulling his own shirt off.

“Miss me, Fox?” Jack’s black eyebrow rose expectantly.

“You know I did. It’s too quiet without you here.” Mulder stroked himself slowly and gave him a lazy smile. Jack smiled wolfishly and pushed his pants and underwear off impatiently. Climbing onto the bed he parted Mulder’s thighs and leaned down in between them. 

“It won’t be quiet any longer. I’m going to make you scream.”

As he lay after, sticky, sore and sated, Jack’s arm thrown over his hip possessively, Mulder stared at the moonlight as it peeked through the blinds. 

‘I’m happy. They don’t know what they’re talking about…’

XXX

Monday was a bear. Scully deeply regretted mentioning the latest bruise to Alex by the water cooler. She hadn’t meant for the man to confront Mulder on it. Now Mulder was giving her the cold shoulder and the only reason she knew why was because Alex had called her Sunday to warn her.

As Mulder swiveled in his chair to reach for the file cabinet Scully stood and walked over, she’d had enough. 

“Mulder? Damnit, Mulder, will you talk to me?”

Mulder slammed the file drawer shut and glanced up at her, his eyes were cold. “What, Scully?”

“Look, about Alex…he said you hadn’t hurt yourself playing basketball when I asked and I didn’t tell him to confront you. I only told him I was worried-”

Mulder stood up, his height intimidating her as it was meant to, she stepped back only enough to look up at him comfortably, not backing down. “Worried about what? Didn’t your little gossip partner tell you? It was from sex. I like it rough sometimes and I banged my wrist on the headboard. That enough detail, Agent Scully?”

Scully glanced to the side, suitably chastened. “Uh, I’m sorry. I didn’t…I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have talked about you behind your back. I was just worried. I’m sorry, Mulder.”

Mulder sat down abruptly. “That’s okay. I understand. But next time, talk to me. I don’t need you gossiping about me at the watercooler. I get enough of it from everyone else. Spooky Mulder doesn’t need any more rumors going around.”

Scully winced and nodded. “I’m sorry, Mulder. And don’t be mad at Alex? He was just concerned, too. He’s a good friend. He stands up for you against those kinds of people. He doesn’t think you’re spooky, and neither do I.”

Mulder smiled weakly and nodded, he’d already decided to forgive Alex, provided the man didn’t bring up the subject again. “Thanks.”

“…you’re just weird.” Scully finished. She got a bigger smile at that, easing the last of her concerns. 

“Oh, yeah? Well, I’ve got a new case here. What do you know about werewolves?”

Scully groaned.

XXX

 

Their weekly game continued the next Saturday. There was no apology and no mention of the topic discussed. Typical men that they were, they ignored the elephant in the room and played as if nothing had happened. Alex was just relieved that Mulder had shown up. He’d thought for sure that Mulder would stop coming altogether.

Afterwards they showered, but neither mentioned lunch. Mulder’s bruises were faded to a brownish yellow and Alex pretended not to see a fresh one on his left hip. If Mulder wasn’t complaining, then Alex wasn’t going to fight him on it. The man was an FBI agent and a psychologist to boot - he’d profiled serial killers for years.

Splitting up at the parking lot, Mulder was friendly enough as he said goodbye. Alex turned back to watch him walk away. 

He wondered if their friendship would ever be the same.

XXX

Months passed and the holidays came and went. 

Thanksgiving was always a difficult time for Mulder because of his sister’s disappearance. He hadn’t really celebrated holidays since leaving home for college (no one celebrated Thanksgiving in England, naturally – it was a godsend). 

But that was before he’d met Jack. Even though he knew that his lover was aware of when his sister disappeared, Jack ignored it. He found Mulder’s sadness and lack of holiday cheer irritating and offensive, so Mulder buried the usual holiday depression and put on a fake smile. Even going so far as to buy a flower centerpiece for the Thanksgiving table.

Christmas was spent with the Perkins family and Mulder was thrilled when the holidays had ended because the entire family drank like fish. Jack, his father, and his brother Tom had been pounding back the beers while the mother guzzled the eggnog. The drunken insults and put downs had reminded Mulder far too much of his childhood holidays after Samantha had been kidnapped. His father had preferred highballs and drinking in his office while his mom had sipped her wine by the bottle along with her sleeping pills. 

Now that New Year’s was over, Mulder was glad to be back to work. Whistling, he waltzed into his office to find Scully at her desk, one brow arched over her mug of coffee.

“And what are you so happy about? The holidays are over.”

“Exactly. Back to work. How was your holiday, Scully?” 

Scully told him about Bill and the new baby. Mulder carefully kept his distaste for her brother hidden while he nodded without really listening. Scully was fully aware of this and she wrapped it up quickly and went back to work. Scully sighed to herself as she turned on her computer: it was sad, really, that he still didn’t enjoy the holidays. She would have thought that that would change once he was living with someone, but instead he seemed to dread them more.

 

The New Year started off with a bang, Mulder was assigned an urgent profiling case that quickly became a nightmare as the killer escalated and the public panicked. By the time the case was finished three weeks later, Mulder looked ready for another vacation. Worn out and tired, his eyes were lined with bags and his skin was chalky. An ever present reminder of why he didn’t profile anymore. Apparently Skinner agreed because he gave Mulder a three day leave afterwards.

But giving him a leave and making him leave were two different things. Mulder sulked and tried to refuse the time off, Skinner had to practically call security before Mulder agreed to accept the leave and not the suspension.

“…who does he think he is, anyway? I’ve got lots of work to do here and…” Scully rolled her eyes and gestured for him to hurry up put on his coat.

“It’s not the end of the world, Mulder. Tomorrow’s Thursday so you’ll have a nice long weekend.” Mulder shook his head with exasperation and grabbed some files to take with him. Scully grabbed his hand and thwarted his attempt. She was still trying to get him out the door when Alex poked his head in.

“Still here, Mulder? I heard Kim was to call security if you’re not out the door in ten minutes.” Mulder glared at him and finally gave up on the folders.

“I’m going, I’m going…” He swept out of the office, leaving the two watching after him, bemused.

“Why does he always put up such a fight? He looks terrible, he needs some rest.” Alex shook his head while Scully turned and started studying him.

“You’ve got it bad, don’t you?” Scully smiled at him with knowing sympathy.

“What?! I-” she quirked an eyebrow and he caved, “…yes,” he finished and dropped into Mulder’s chair. “It’s that obvious?”

Scully walked over and patted his hand. “Only to someone who has suffered the same malady.”

XXX

The Monday after, Scully walked into the office with no surprise that Mulder was already there. She’d known he’d be there the second his leave and the weekend were up. Sure enough he was at his desk, buried in papers. He glanced up from his pile of files and Scully gasped slightly.

“Mulder-!”

“Before you start…I walked into the bathroom door. It was pitch black last night when I went to get a glass of water and boom! Hurt like a son of a bitch, but I’m fine. It’s just a little sore.” Mulder touched the side of his face tenderly; his eye was black and swollen shut. “So anyway, how was your weekend?”

 

XXX

 

Months later…

 

Returning home after a case in Wisconsin, Mulder was glad to finally hang up his coat on the coat rack. Besides an exhausting case which resulted in a newly sprained rib, Mulder was drained from a series of delays at the airport. Picking up his carry-on bag, Mulder headed up to the bedroom. Entering the dark room, Mulder squinted to see a shadowy figure sitting in the chair beyond the bed. 

Snapping the light on, Jack glared coldly at him, a piece of paper in his hand. Unaccountably nervous, Mulder shifted his weight slightly before finally settling on an action. Setting his luggage on the bed, Mulder unzipped the bag.

“Hey, the airport was murder…sorry I’m late. Were you-” 

“Did you think you could get away with it, Fox?” Jack’s voice was cold and unemotional.

Mulder froze, hands clutching his toiletry bag. “What-”

“Surely you knew I would find out. You did this purposely to humiliate me, didn’t you?” the cool even tone had a hard glittering edge to it, a warning that shot down Mulder’s icy spine.

“I don’t know what you’re talk-”

“And don’t ‘even’ try to play innocent. I’m not in the mood. Sit down, Fox.” Mulder sat down on the edge of the bed without a word. What had he done?

“Since you want to play dumb, I’ll be blunt. I know about Alex.” Jack’s voice lowered to a growl of barely controlled rage. “Are there any others I should know about? You filthy whore!”

“Jack, I- Alex and I play basketb-”

The blow was sudden and vicious. Mulder never saw it coming. It wouldn’t have been as bad, though, except that his head hit the edge of the nightstand. Blood poured down the side of his head as Mulder scrambled to his feet.

“Don’t you ‘dare’ lie to me, Fox! You slut! Did you think I wouldn’t find out?!” Jack swung again and Mulder barely avoided it. Stumbling backwards, he tripped on the edge of his bag which had fallen off the bed. Jack seized the chance and grabbed him in a vice-like grip. “I’ll teach you to fuck around on me!”

 

XXX

 

Beeep, beep, beeep, beep…  
Whoosh, whump, whoosh, whump…

The clatter and noise of the hospital seemed distant and faded as the quiet sounds of the ICU machines worked diligently to keep its patient alive.

Alex stared through the glass at Mulder lying heavily bandaged and pale on the bed. Tubes snaked out from under the blanket. The sight made his throat burn and his chest tighten. Glancing down the hall he noticed a tall man with black hair and blue eyes heading towards him. 

“Excuse me!” A nurse tried to bar the man striding towards the ICU from entering. “Excuse me, but visitors are - ”

“I’m looking for Fox Mulder. I’m his partner. Where is he?” The nurse struggled to keep up with the man as he strode past her and continued down the hall. Alex turned away from the window and unconsciously checked his weapon. 

“Jack Perkins?” Alex gave the nurse a small nod and she shot him a relieved look and returned to her post, but not without one last shot of venom over her shoulder at Perkins.

“Yes. Who are you? Where’s Fox?” Jack looked over at the window Alex had been at and stepped closer. “God, Fox…”

“Mr. Perkins, I’d like a word with you -”

The taller man gave him a dismissing glance and reached for the doorknob. “Later. I need to see Fox-”

Alex reached out a hand to stop him just as Skinner and a small group of police officers and two agents walked down the hall. Perkins stopped and glared menacingly at the small group approaching. The nurse stepped from her desk once more, this time with her own back up. 

“Excuse me, but you gentlemen will have to leave. The patients-”

Skinner nodded at her and gestured for Krycek and Perkins to follow them out to the hall.

Perkins reluctantly left with them and Alex gave one last glance at the man in the bed. ‘Don’t worry, Mulder, we’ll take care of this…’

XXX

The ‘interview’ was not going well. Skinner had sat at the head of the table in the small conferencing room the hospital had allowed them, but he had decided to remain silent for some reason that Alex couldn’t understand. Allowing a fellow detective to interview Perkins, Skinner seemed content to listen as Perkins charmed his way out of the situation.

“So this was strictly a domestic dispute between you and…er, Mr. Mulder?”

“Yes. We had a disagreement and Fox had an accident.”

Alex waited for the cop to show some brains and push the man, but he just nodded and made some notes. 

‘What the hell?’ Krycek opened his mouth but stopped Skinner’s slightly risen hand. The A.D. shook his head slightly and Alex clamped his mouth shut, but his aborted outburst was noted by all in the room. Perkins glanced at him slightly uneasy before giving a rueful grin.

“It got out of hand, I admit. We were both angry and we traded punches and I shoved him, he hit his head on the bedside table – it was awful, so much blood. But it was an accident. I swear.”

Jack showed his own injuries and the police nodded and made note of them. Alex had had enough, standing up he leaned on the table and into Jack’s face.

“Looks to me as if your injuries consist of bruised knuckles and nail gouges. Like an attacker would receive from a victim in self-defense.” 

Jack’s anger was quick to rise and subdued with obvious difficulty. “He got a few punches in himself, it was a fight, and I didn’t pick it. He was angry-”

“Bullshit. You were angry. He’s the one in a hospital bed right now. Unconscious. Broken ribs, nose and arm. There are bruises around his arms and neck and he’s suffering from a severe concussion. Your story is shit.”

The interviewing policeman tried to interfere, but Alex would have none of it. “It seems the police department is more concerned with covering up for one of their own. Luckily, it doesn’t matter, assaulting a federal officer is a federal crime and it is officially out of your jurisdiction.” Skinner gave him an annoyed look, but nodded at that point. Gesturing for one of the nearby agents to step forward, he told Perkins to stand up. Alex allowed himself a small grim smile of victory.

Jack finally lost his temper. Red faced he lunged across the table.

XXX

Alex sat on the couch wearily sipping stale coffee. Skinner had left long ago with the other agents and Perkins in handcuffs. Scully had arrived earlier, but spent all of her time with Mulder’s doctors. When she finally finished she found him in the waiting room, waiting for time when the nurses would give in and let him visit Mulder’s room. 

Scully sat down next to him and gave him a sympathetic smile. “I heard what happened. 

“Hmm.” Alex sipped his coffee again to avoid answering.

Scully seemed to understand. “God, I wish I’d been there. Given that son of a bitch - Alex? Are you aware of…” 

Sighing, Alex glanced over at her. “Of what?”

She sat up a little straighter before piercing him with her blue eyes. With a careful steady voice she finished, “…were you aware that he was…sexually assaulted, too?” 

Alex’s hand convulsively tightened, crushing the fragile paper cup of coffee in his hand. Scully automatically grabbed his hand, but the coffee was barely lukewarm and she settled for wiping it off with a nearby paper napkin. 

“What?” Alex’s voice was a hoarse whisper. He wished he had the man in front of him again…

Scully dropped their hands back his lap, but continued to hold his hand tightly. “There was a great deal of trauma, but a lot of the bruises were old…but there were fresh tears and…” She stopped as his hand squeezed tighter. “Anyway, he’ll heal, though. The doctors have taken good care of him. All of his injuries should heal eventually without any long term difficulties. He may need physical therapy and lots of time to recuperate. They’ll be recommending counseling…”

Alex nodded absently; he knew how that would go over with Mulder.

“…and he’ll need us to be there for him. You’ll be here for him.” She said it with quiet conviction as she squeezed his hand one last time.

Alex smiled at her and nodded. “We’ll be here for him.”


	2. Haunted Dreams

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To all those who have had to hide bruises and lie…never forget your own strength.

***

Alex paced outside in the hall. The nurses glanced at him as they walked by, some with irritation but most with affectionate sympathy. They should be used to his presence by now. He’d been stuck out here for days. Mulder had awoken, groggy and disoriented three days ago and had very shortly ordered him out.

Out of the room and out of his life.

 

XXX 3 days earlier…XXX 

5:15 p.m.

GWU Medical Center

 

Alex held the pale thin hand in his own gently, as if it would break. Mulder had yet to waken in the hospital so far except for a few brief times in the ER. Perkins sat in a cell somewhere consulting a lawyer and trying to weasel his way out of the charges being heaped on him. Assault of two different federal officers, attempted murder (that charge was unlikely to stick) and Alex had just informed Skinner that sexual assault should be added as well. 

But Mulder was still unconscious.

Shifting in the hard plastic chair, Alex sighed and considered the hand he held. Gently rubbing the back of it with his thumb, he was startled when the hand suddenly clutched his tightly and the man in the bed moaned.

“Mulder?” Alex sat up in his chair and leaned forward slightly, watching his friend’s face closely. The eyelids twitched and Mulder moaned again as he shifted in the bed.

“Don’t try to move, Mulder. You’ve been hurt. You’re in the hospital. Do you understand?” Mulder’s eyes opened blearily and he glanced down at his body and seemed alarmed, he struggled to sit up.

“No! Don’t sit up, Mulder. Wait a second and I’ll get your doctor. Just lay still, okay?” Mulder didn’t speak or look up, but he did stop moving. Alex stuck his head out the door and tried to wave down a nurse. Seeing Mulder’s doctor he jogged down the hall to get him.

XXX 

Mlder waited until Alex left the room before he shifted up in the bed a little. Pain flared in his ribs and his ass, but he was more concerned about what he could now see. His vision was slightly obstructed by a white bandage on his nose…broken? Beyond that he could see his left arm in a cast and his right hand was connected to an IV. It was warm and before he had moved it to shift in the bed it had been laying slightly off the bed towards the chair next to him. Alex had been holding his hand. He pulled that hand closer to his body and looked down once more. His legs seemed fine except that his feet were bare and cold. A tube poked out of the sheets and he groaned inwardly recognizing the catheter he was obviously attached to.

Alex returned with a balding gray haired man with a salt and pepper goatee in a white doctor’s coat. Alex stepped back but stayed in the room as the doctor held his hand out. “Agent Mulder, I’m Dr. Stuart. You’re in the ICU of the George Washington University Medical Center. Do you remember how you got here?” 

Mulder flicked a glance at Alex before looking back at the doctor. “No. What happened?” The doctor nodded as he glanced at the various screens and readings around Mulder’s bed.

“That isn’t too unusual in cases such as yours. You have a concussion, though it doesn’t seem too severe. You have a rather hard head.” The doctor smiled and seemed to be waiting for a response to his little joke.

Mulder gave him a small smile, but he knew it was rather pathetic. “And?" 

Dr. Stuart was unperturbed. “And you sustained other injuries from an apparent assault. Broken ribs, nose, your left arm as well as some extensive bruising on your arms, neck and pelvic region. There were other injuries which you would likely want to discuss in private.” The doctor gave Krycek a significant look and Alex reluctantly nodded, leaving the room.

“I’ll be right outside, Mulder. Call if you need me.” Mulder didn’t look at him, simply nodded absently, his eyes focused on the doctor.

Once the door shut the doctor looked far more serious. “As to the other injuries…there were some fresh tears and bruising in the anus as well as several older injuries. I must ask, have you been sexually assaulted previously to this attack?”

Mulder shifted his eyes to the window on his right. Staring at the blinds with focused concentration, he answered quietly, “No.” 

The doctor shifted on his feet and looked uncomfortable, “Sir, the damage was rather severe and not all recent. If - ”

 “No! I’m…in a relationship…he…we were a little rough is all. It’s nothing. How soon can I get out of here?” Mulder looked back over with his last question. His face was stony and his eyes were cold, boring holes into the doctor. 

The older man seemed to accept some of what he said, but didn’t back down right away. “A healthy sex life may result in minor damage on occasion, but the type of trauma I found is not consistent with this. As for the recent damage…I highly doubt that it was consensual sex, especially when coupled with your other injuries… You are aware that the police and FBI have been involved?” 

Mulder’s eyes widened with a mixture of emotions. Fear, anger, panic. He tried to sit up further and winced at the pain. “No! I’m not pressing charges! I don’t remember- It wasn’t an attack. Where’s Jack? I want to speak with him.”

The doctor stepped back slightly. “Agent Mulder, please do not upset yourself. I’m afraid I spoke too soon…first you must focus on your recovery. I’ll have the nurse come in with some medication for the pain and see if you can eat something. As for the rest of it…please don’t upset yourself. I’ll send your friend back in if you like?”

Mulder clutched the sheets tightly in his right hand and jerked his head in response. “Yes! Send Agent Krycek in here. Now.” 

XXX

Krycek was pacing the deserted hallway when the doctor finally came out of Mulder’s room. Alex moved to open the door but the doctor held out a cautionary hand. “Mr. Mulder is very agitated right now. He asked to see you, but I feel I should warn you that he is resisting the idea that this was an attack. He’s asked for someone named Jack. Is he the man that was arrested?”

Alex narrowed his eyes. “What do you mean-? I- Yes, Jack Perkins is his ‘partner’ and he was arrested for attacking Mulder. What did you tell him?”

“I don’t know how much you are aware of the extent of his injuries and I can’t tell you anything further. Patient-doctor confidentiality. I simply want you to be aware of his agitated state and that he may be in denial about his attack. You can visit him, but I recommend you do not excite him further. He needs to remain as calm as possible and rest. I’ll give you a few minutes but the nurse will checking in on him soon.”

Alex nodded reluctantly and watched the doctor walk away. He turned back to the door and this time eyed it with some anxiety. Exactly what should he expect?

XXX 

Mulder watched the doctor leave before cataloging the injuries the doctor had mentioned. Broken ribs…well, he ‘had’ sprained at least one of them on the last case. Mulder supposed they’d broken when Jack had fallen on him. The concussion was likely from the bedside table. And when he’d knocked his head on the hardwood floor. Broken nose? He didn’t remember it breaking, but he _had_ hit his face hard on the floor. Jack had grabbed his arm and twisted it behind his back. He must have twisted it a too hard, though. The snap of the bone breaking had been nauseating. The other injuries…

There was a knock at the door and Alex poked his head in. “All right if I come in?” Mulder nodded and shifted in the bed again trying to sit up more. The pain flared again and he tried to hide a wince but from Alex’s sudden rush to help him…he obviously wasn’t successful. Alex’s warm hand gripped his right arm, steadying him as he helped Mulder sit up better, propping the pillows better behind him.

“Careful, Mulder. Do you want me to get a nurse? One’s supposed to come with a painkiller.”

“No. I want to talk to you while my mind’s clear. Sit, Alex. And tell me just **what** is going on.”

Alex didn’t seem to agree with his choice but nodded, sitting in the same chair he’d been in before. “Why don’t you start with what you remember first, Mulder? We have an idea of what happened, but you’re the only one that can really fill in the details." 

Mulder stared at him for a moment, ‘What about Jack? Didn’t he tell them?’ He broke eye contact and stared at the paper thin white sheets in front of him. The scratchy blue blanket was almost threadbare.  

“I came home from the airport…I was tired. Very tired…and I headed up to our room….Jack was waiting for me. He had - he had a piece of paper and…well, I don’t know what it was but he _knew_ , Alex.”

Alex shifted forward; he put a hand on Mulder’s arm again. “What? What did he know?”

“He knew…he thought we were together. You know…he thought I was having an affair. I tried to explain that we only- only play basketball, but he - ” Mulder finally looked up at him again. “It was **my** fault, Alex. I hadn’t told him that we play basketball every week. I hadn’t told him about you at all, really. I should have told him. He was jealous. I hurt him-”

Alex was frowning at him but at this last sentence he clutched the other man’s arm tightly. “Hurt him? He hurt **you** , Mulder. The bastard-”

“But I hurt him ‘first’! Don’t you see? If I’d told him…I shouldn’t have- It was my fault.”

Alex stared at him in shock. What on earth was going through his friend’s mind? The bastard had beaten him nearly to death, _choked_ him… _raped_ him. And he thought it was **his** fault?! “Mulder…I think you need to get some rest and think about things…” Alex spoke slowly and clearly, as if to a child. “I don’t want you to worry about _anything_. Jack won’t bother you here and you need to rest-” 

Mulder’s eyes narrowed and his face became serious. “Wait a minute! Where is Jack? The doctor said something about the police…and the bureau? Who-?”

The nurse’s arrival stopped this dangerous line of questioning with a tray of food. “Hello, there. It’s dinnertime. It’s mostly soft foods ‘cause your face is likely hurting a great deal because of your nose. Try and eat as much as you feel up to…” The nurse wheeled over a small bed table and set down a brown plastic tray laden with food. A small cup of soup, pudding, milk, mashed potatoes and some sort of mashed mystery dish that may have contained meat. Mystery meat. It looked rather revolting.

“Uh…I could go get you something edible.” 

Mulder looked up and grimaced. “Later.”

The nurse gave them both a disapproving look and began to leave.

“Hey, wait. What about his meds?”

The nurse glanced at Alex with greater disdain. “They should be coming shortly.” She left before he could protest again.

Krycek rolled his eyes in disgust. “Now I remember why I hate the hospital so much. Are you sure you don’t want me to-”

“Tell. Me. What. Is. Going. On. Where is Jack?” Mulder ignored the tray before him and pierced him with his gaze.

“You didn’t finish telling me what happened, Mulder. The bureau will be sending another agent down to get your statement.” Mulder’s eyes widened and his face turned a sickly green color. Alex almost reached out to him again but he decided Mulder would likely reject him right now.

“Why?” It was a hoarse whisper that the younger one nearly missed.

“Why? Because you were severely beaten, Mulder. You said Jack was jealous. He hit you, didn’t he? Beat you…choked you. Broke your nose and arm-”

“No! I- I fell. He shoved me, but I hit the table! And…it was a fight…he didn’t mean to-”

“Didn’t mean to?! Mulder, the man is a police detective. And he didn’t just hit you **once**. He hit you several times. And choked you! He nearly killed you.”

“No! You aren’t listening to me, damn it! He didn’t- It wasn’t like that! I don’t want to talk about this! Where is he?”

“God, Mulder! The son of a bitch tried to come and see you. We interviewed him. The police…Skinner…we questioned him and he denied it. Said it was a fight that got out of hand. He attacked **me** when I confronted him with his lies.”

Mulder shook his head. “He was right. It got out of hand. That’s all. Drop the charges…I’m not- Drop the charges, Krycek.” Mulder’s voice dropped low and hoarse. He slumped in the bed and faced his tray.

Alex slumped in his own chair. What the hell was wrong with Mulder? He’d never seen him act like this. Not before he met Jack Perkins. Mulder was a strong willed, cocky son of a bitch that didn’t let _anyone_ get to him. Not really. He let others deride him, ridicule him over being ‘Spooky Mulder’ that chased vampires and ghosts, but he never let them get away with crimes. Why was it he’d let a _lover_ do this to him? Someone who was supposed to love and cherish him? He had to pull out the big guns. Mulder needed to face this. Face reality.

“All right. What about the sexual assault? He tore the hell out of you, Mulder.” 

Mulder stiffened at first and then sighed. He kept his face carefully away from Alex’s as he spoke. “How many times am I going to have to defend my sex life? It was rough sex. I- I liked it. Look, I don’t care to discuss it ever again.” Mulder finally looked back at him. “It was consensual and it was a fight that got a little out of hand. I’m not pressing any charges.” 

“Mulder! You-” 

"No! I don’t have to do anything! And I won’t listen to you try to boss me around, either! Just get out! GET OUT!” Mulder threw the tray onto the ground. Food splattered everywhere, including Alex’s clothes. Alex stared at him for a long minute looking at Mulder who had turned his face away once more, staring at a blank spot on the wall, his shoulders hunched defensively and his right hand clutched the bedrail so tightly his knuckles were white.

Alex took all this in and saw a man that was fiercely in denial. A man in terrible pain. “I’ll give you some space, Mulder. But I’m not going anywhere.” Turning, he left the room and signaled a nurse that Mulder needed some assistance. 

XXX

So there he was. Banned from the room. Not only by Mulder, but his doctor who was considerably upset to find his patient in the state Alex had left him in. Much to Alex’s dismay, Skinner had come and talked to Mulder only to leave several hours later and drop the charges against Jack Perkins. Alex had wanted to press charges for Perkins’ attempted attack on him, but Skinner told him to let it go. For now. The bastard was released and although he hadn’t dared step foot in the hospital yet. Alex was worried the man would visit Mulder.

So he paced, loitered, got in the way of nurses and made a general nuisance of himself until Scully finally made him leave the hospital. She was the only one Mulder allowed in his room and even she was given a mostly cold shoulder.

“Look, you’re not doing him any good getting all riled up out here and upsetting the staff. Go home. Take a break. Come back in a day or two. Maybe he’ll relax a little.” Alex snorted at this but finally conceded. He was in desperate need of a shower and sleep in a regular bed after three days camping out in the hospital.

“What about Perkins? I don’t want the bastard to see Mulder.”

Scully nodded. “I know. But Mulder told me and the staff that he doesn’t want Jack Perkins allowed in. He doesn’t want to see him yet either, Alex. I’m still worried about him…but I don’t think he’ll let him in. He’ll come to his senses. But he’s still very angry with you. I think he’s decided to blame you for this. It’s irrational, but he needs to focus his anger on someone or something…and you’ve become the target since you’re trying to get him to face some disturbing things. He needs space…and time. Just go and get some rest, okay?”

Alex shook his head. He wanted to help so badly, but he’d messed things up somehow. “All right. But you’ll call me if ‘anything’ happens, right? And keep an eye on his room at all times?”

Scully gave him her ‘you have to ask?’ look. “Of course. Go.” Scully gave him a little push towards the elevators and he had to stop himself from wobbling. God, did he need a rest. As he stepped into the elevators a young candy striper stepped off with a cart of flowers and balloons.

 

Pausing in the gift shop on the way to his car, Alex noticed a small vase of flowers caught his eye. Alex didn’t know flowers very well, but the daisies mixed with the other flowers seemed cheering so he carried the vase over to the cashier. The vase was set aside for delivery later that evening as he left the hospital.

XXX

24 hours later, Alex returned to the hospital after work, but he felt much better after the decent night’s sleep. He passed the nurses in the hall with a small nod and wave. Agent Robertson stood up from his chair and folded his newspaper. 

“Hey, Alex. Nothing new to report. Just nurses and candy stripers today. I’ve got to get home to Linda.” The young man looked tired, his tie loosened and collar unbuttoned.

“Great, thanks, Mike. I owe you one. Tell Linda I said hi.” Alex clapped him on the back as the man nodded and left. 

Looking at Mulder’s door he let out a small sigh. ‘Into the breach once more…” 

Alex knocked on the door but didn’t wait for an answer.

Mulder glanced up and saw his visitor, his expression quickly turned annoyed. “Alex - ”

“No.” The younger man shook his head and held up his peace offering. “I’m just dropping off these cookies Yiayia sent with me for you. They’re your favorite.” Mulder shut his mouth and stared at the container. It was rather large and crammed full. Opening the lid a crack he saw the powdered sugar cookies that he’d loved so much last time. 

“Oh. Thank her for me, will you?”

Alex nodded silently, his eyes sweeping the room and coming to rest at the rather large vase of garish flowers and several balloons which dwarfed his small bouquet. “Wow…who gave you those?” 

Mulder glanced at the rather colorful assortment but just as quickly glanced away. Staring at the cookies in front of him he shrugged. “Jack.”

“Jack? He wasn’t here today.” Alex bit his lip and wished desperately that he could turn back time. 

“Oh? That’s good to hear. Which agent told you that?” Mulder’s voice was deceptively light, but his eyes were a stormy green.

Alex shrugged and plopped down in the seat. No sense denying it. “Robertson. A friend of mine…I asked him to just keep an eye on things.”

“An eye on **me** you mean.”

“Yes. I’m worried about you, okay?   My best friend was attacked and I’m concerned. Don’t deny you’d do the same for me, Mulder.”

That got him. Mulder looked away and then back, less angry. “You’re right. Fine. But there’s no need. I don’t want to see Jack right now, anyway. You can call off the watch.” 

Neither man believed Alex’s response, “Sure.” 

The visit passed with much less tension. Mulder had been moved to a regular room so they were able to watch TV. 

Dinner arrived and both men watched silently as the orderly left the tray. Alex left shortly after…returning with a smuggled bag of McDonalds.

Finally, around 10 o’clock Alex left to get some rest before work the next day. 

“Goodnight, Mulder. Get some rest. You should be ready to go home soon.” Alex shrugged into his jacket. He decided not to mention that he wanted Mulder to go to **his** home when that time came. They had only just gotten over the tension between them…best to wait until tomorrow. 

Mulder waved goodbye and stared at the TV screen, unseeing.   

How exactly could he go home?

XXX

Mulder stared at the flowers in the smaller blue glass vase. They were rather pretty. He didn’t usually think about flowers other than buying some for his mother on her birthday and mother’s day. Actually, he’d never been given flowers before. It was rather nice. Not something he’d thought a man could want. Looking up, he smiled slightly at the shape of the balloons. Stars and spaceships. And one teddy bear.

A knock on the door startled him and he pulled his blanket up a little higher. Not another doctor’s visit…

The door opened and Jack stepped in. His black hair was neatly groomed but his blue eyes were bloodshot and there were bags under them. He looked terrible.

“Fox…can I come in?” Jack stood ramrod straight, but his eyes were pleading. Mulder found himself nodding before he even processed the words, not knowing what to say he kept staring at the other man. “Thank you…we need to talk.”

Mulder nodded again, slower this time. They **did** need to talk. Desperately. Things couldn’t go on like this. Alex patrolling the hallways…agents ‘checking in’ on him at all hours. And not talking to his lover. Mulder wasn’t looking forward to this conversation, but avoiding it was only making things worse. Maybe Alex would back off if he talked to Jack. See that Mulder wasn’t avoiding ‘reality.’

Jack sat down next to the bed and stared at his clasped hands a few moments before sighing. “I want to work things out, Fox…I realize I lost control. You always make me lose control…” Jack chuckled slightly. “Which isn’t always a _bad_ thing, is it?”

Mulder stayed silent and Jack nodded jerkily, running a nervous hand in his hair. “You’re right, that’s not funny just now…I just - I don’t know what to say, Fox. What do you want me to say?”

Mulder shrugged and stared at his hand as he plucked at the sheets. What _could_ he say?

“I want to know why you didn’t tell me about Alex Krycek. Why didn’t you tell me you met him once a week? _Were_ you fucking him?” Jack’s voice was low, but instead of dangerous it sounded hurt and strangled.

Mulder looked up, surprised and shamed. “No! No, Jack. It was…we’ve always played basketball on Saturdays. For the last four years. I don’t know why I didn’t tell you… I ‘should’ have told you.”

Jack nodded and leaned closer. “Yes…you should have told me. It upset me to find out like that, Fox…” He reached out and pulled Mulder’s hand from its obsessive plucking and held it firmly. Firmly enough that it almost hurt. Mulder stifled a grimace and instead stared at their hands joined together.

“Fox. Look at me.”

Mulder looked up.

“If you say that you were **just** playing basketball…I’ll believe you. Were you?” Jack’s voice was deadly serious.

Mulder swallowed but was careful to keep his eyes from wavering. “Yes, Jack. Just basketball. I was going to tell you…”

Jack stared at him for several minutes, silent. He then nodded slightly and his grip loosened slightly. “I believe you. And you agree you should have told me about him? Should have told me the truth?”

Mulder nodded shakily. God…why hadn’t he told Jack? Or stopped seeing Alex? He felt a sudden wave of shame… He should never have lied… “Yes.” His voice was small and broken. He didn’t recognize it.

Jack smiled suddenly, a smile far wider than Mulder had seen in a long time. “Yes. You’ll tell me the truth from now on, won’t you, Fox?” Mulder nodded quickly.

“I forgive you, Fox. You forgive me?”

Mulder nodded even faster, he was completely unaware of the tears running down his face. Oh, god, YES, he forgave him. “Yes, of **course**. I love you, Jack.” His voice was a choked sob on his lover’s name. He forgave him…god, if he could just NEVER screw up again.

“Oh, Fox. You know I love you. This was just a horrible misunderstanding. Horrible. It won’t happen again, will it?” Jack kissed him fiercely and Mulder’s nose was jarred slightly, setting the pain off but he ignored the renewed throbbing, returning the kiss desperately.

“No. Never again,” he gasped when Jack finally leaned back. Jack grinned at his words again and pulled Mulder into a hug.

“Unh.” Mulder grunted as his ribs made themselves known. Jack quickly let him go.

“Oh, honey…I’m sorry! You must hurt all over! Do you want me to get a nurse?” Mulder smiled slightly at the concern in his lover’s voice.

“No. I want you to hug me again. I missed you.”

Jack grinned again. Mulder couldn’t remember him ever grinning so much. His lover pulled him into a surprisingly tender embrace this time and rubbed his back gently. His voice was a low rumble in his ear, his voice vibrating against Mulder’s chest, causing shivers down his spine. “We’ll get you home as soon as possible. And I’ll make you homemade soup and take good care of you. Okay?”

Jack pulled back and looked at him anxiously. Mulder nodded and his lover hugged him one last time before letting go.

“I’ll go talk to your doctor and get you released.”

He left quickly and Mulder stared at the door as it closed.

 

XXX

 

Jack was packing his few things in a bag as Mulder watched, bundled up in a T-shirt, sweatshirt, sweatpants, socks and tennis shoes. It felt wonderful to be wearing his own clothes again. Jack had brought his favorite comfort clothes. He scratched at the tape where his IV had been and waited for the wheelchair and orderly to arrive so he could leave.

“Where’d this come from?” Jack held up the container of cookies from Alex’s Yiayia.

No secrets. Absolutely none. “Alex’s grandmother. She’s a nice lady. She baked them just for me. Try one.” Mulder watched him nervously. Jack frowned at the mention of Krycek’s name but he quickly smiled and shook his head.

“No. I don’t like eating food from old ladies. They aren’t very sanitary.” Jack shoved the cookies into the bag with force and zipped it shut. Mulder’s forehead wrinkled but he quickly erased his expression and replaced it with a bland smile.

“Mr. Mulder?” A tall red haired man in an orderly uniform smiled pleasantly as he pushed a wheelchair into the room. Mulder nodded and the man helped him into the chair. “Bet you’re glad to get out of here and go home?” The orderly was extremely cheerful and pleasant, but Mulder found himself unaccountably nervous all of a sudden.

“Um, yeah. Let’s go home.” He looked back at Jack who swung the bag over his shoulders and nodded with a rather serious expression. Mulder fervently hoped he hadn’t messed up already.

 

XXX

 

Krycek arrived at the hospital late that evening. He was exhausted from work but determined to visit Mulder that evening. Punching the elevator button, he leaned against the wall of the elevator and stared at the lights as they flashed the floor numbers.

One…two…three… He pulled himself up straight and wearily left the elevator as it stopped on Mulder’s floor with a small chime. Scully was waiting for the elevator as he stepped off. Catching sight of him she widened her eyes and reached over to grab his sleeve.

“Please tell me you have him.”

Oh. Shit. “What?! Isn’t he in his room?” Scully sighed and let go of his arm, folding her arms across her chest she shook her head.

“The nurse just told me he was released to go home with a friend. A man. I was hoping she meant you.”

 

XXX

 

Alex banged on the door of the apartment Mulder shared with Jack Perkins. The numbers on the door rattled slightly from the force of his blows. Krycek wished the door was Jack’s face.

“Just a minute!” Perkins voice was impatient and angry. Krycek squared his shoulders and checked his gun. Scully stood slightly to his left; she checked her own gun and nodded to him.

The door jerked open and the irate policeman glared at him. “What the fuck do **you** want?”

Scully stepped forward before Alex could reply and pushed her way into the apartment. Alex smiled coldly and followed her in, Perkins shut the door quietly but firmly, his hand stayed on the doorknob.

“He’s sleeping. I suggest you two leave.” Jack’s eyes were trained on Alex.

“I want to see him.” Scully glanced around the apartment and headed towards the hallway. Perkins glared once more at Krycek but followed her. Alex trailed behind, taking in the sterile décor. It was rather posh. How did a police detective pay for this? Mulder likely shelled out more than half of the cost, not that federal agents made much either, but he did have some family money.

The bedroom was darkened and Mulder lay in a large bed with light blue sheets and a dark blue comforter. Scully walked over and turned on the bedside lamp. Alex looked at the table it rested on with its sharp corners.

“Wha…?” Mulder woke and covered his eyes from the light, squinting at Scully. “Scully?”

“Yes, Mulder. We came to see if you were all right. Why didn’t you tell me you were leaving the hospital?”

Mulder blinked at her and then noticed Alex in the background.

“Oh! Does Jack know-?” Mulder sat up unsteadily and Alex stepped forward but Jack emerged from the shadows and brushed past him forcefully, sitting down next to Mulder.  

Steadying him, he put a possessive arm around the drugged man. “I know, Fox. I let them in. Your friends were concerned about you. I told them you were sleeping…”

Mulder looked contrite and glanced from Jack to Scully. “I’m fine, Scully. Really. You shouldn’t have come.” This last remark was directed at Alex.

“Why did you leave the hospital?” Scully asked, but her eyes made it clear the question was, ‘why with him?’

Mulder shifted his left arm and scratched above were the cast lay. He was only wearing dark blue boxers, which happened to match the comforter. Alex wondered if Jack was such a control freak that everything had to be color coordinated…

“I wanted to go home. The doctor said I could go…and Jack wanted to take care of me. You know I hate hospitals, Scully.”

Scully nodded reluctantly, her eyes carefully scrutinizing Jack. “I see.”

Jack had obviously had enough. “Well, there you are. Fox is fine, but very drowsy from his meds and he needs his rest. So I think you should visit some other time.” Jack stood and gestured towards the door his tone made it obvious there would be no other time if he had his way. Mulder gave Scully an apologetic look but avoided Alex’s gaze. He lay back down in the bed and Jack pulled up the comforter, tucking him in.

Scully turned and prodded Alex toward the door. “There’s nothing we can do right now…Mulder needs rest. Let’s talk elsewhere” she hissed into his ear. Jack turned back and escorted them through the apartment to the door.

“Fox is lucky to have such concerned coworkers. I’m sure he’ll call you when he’s better and able to get back to work.”

They were politely pushed out the door when Krycek blocked the door with his foot and wedged it open with his hip. Narrowing his green eyes, they glittered as he pinned the other man with his gaze. “If you so much as harm one more hair on his head I’ll kill you.”

Jack’s frosty polite look faltered and his jaw clenched. “Don’t you dare threaten me in my own home-”

“It’s no threat. It’s a promise.”

Krycek slipped out the door and it shut with a bang, the deadbolt turning rapidly.

 

XXX

 

Scully had driven them to Mulder’s apartment since Alex had caught a ride to the hospital. As they left the apartment’s parking lot Alex turned in the passenger seat to face her. “So? Now what do we do?” he demanded.

Scully focused on entering the traffic before she answered. “I don’t know.” She drove with complete concentration, carefully avoiding looking at him.

“What do you mean you don’t know? I thought you wanted us to leave because you had a plan.” Alex knew he was lashing out at the wrong person but he couldn’t help the horrible frustration he felt. “Dammit! Turn around, then! I’m not leaving him with that bastard for another minute!” 

Scully glanced at him finally but returned her gaze to the road, ignoring his instructions. “Look, Mulder needs time and rest and he’s very vulnerable right now. As much as I hate to leave him there he’s an adult and he made a decision. If we were to argue with him right now…try to _force_ him to do what we want…we might lose. And I for one don’t want to drive him further into that bastard’s arms, do you?”

Alex growled and punched the dashboard with his fist. Damn the woman. She was right. Mulder was a stubborn son of a bitch and if they pushed…

“Hey! This is **my** car, Krycek. Take your anger out on your own vehicle.” She sighed and then tried in a more soothing tone. “We won’t leave him alone. We can keep an eye on him. And on Perkins.”

Alex reluctantly agreed as Scully dropped him off at his own apartment.

That night he dreamed that Mulder had left his lover and moved in with him. His dreams turned erotic as he stripped the dark blue boxers off of Mulder’s lanky form and caressed the warm skin it had hidden… The alarm clock buzzed and he woke alone in bed once more.

 

XXX

 

The Next Day…

 

Alex knocked on the door impatiently. When Jack answered with a belligerent frown, he pushed past the man without comment.

“Hey! I don’t remember inviting you in, agent.”

Alex spared him a brief glance before heading towards the bedroom. “No, but I’m not here to see **you**.” Entering the bedroom he found Mulder propped up against some pillows, a magazine lay open on his lap and his reading glasses were sliding down his nose. He was asleep. At Alex’s entrance into the room, however, his eyes snapped open and he grabbed his glasses just before they fell off his face.

“Oh! Alex! What are you-”

The younger man smiled and tossed him an extra large bag of sunflower seeds. “I knew you’d be crawling the walls by now so I brought you something to keep you busy.” He watched Mulder’s face break out into a genuine smile before his friend glanced over his shoulder and the smile slowly disappeared.

“Thanks, Alex.” Mulder set the bag aside on the bedside table without opening it. Krycek frowned and glanced behind him at Jack who was watching them closely with a blank face.

“What’s up with you? You always rip into a fresh bag, Mulder.”

His friend shook his head tiredly, “I don’t feel like them just this moment, but thank you. How’s work?”

Alex sat on the foot of the bed and filled him in on the latest cases as Jack stood in the doorway, silent and unmoving. The irritation and anger that Alex felt in being watched by the man grew and the tension in the room was making Mulder nervous. Eventually he decided he should leave so Mulder could relax and sleep.

“Well, I guess I’ll go and let you get some rest, Mulder… Scully said she’d stop by later tonight, though. Is there anything you need?”

Mulder opened his mouth but Perkins answered for him, “He has everything he needs, Agent Krycek. Thank you for your concern, though.” The policeman moved into Krycek’s space, attempting to intimidate him into leaving. Alex stood his ground and was about to act when a voice piped up from the bed.

“Yes, everything’s fine Alex. See you later.” Alex glanced over at Mulder; his face was white and pinched. Hazel eyes pleaded with him to just leave. Sighing, Alex nodded and slipped out of the room.

 

XXX

 

In his car once more, Alex pounded on the steering wheel of his car. “Damn it!” Why was Mulder putting up with that asshole? His entire personality seemed warped. Meek, timid…almost submissive to the bastard that had beaten him. This wasn’t the friend he’d known the last six years.

He changed lanes and headed away from his own apartment and towards his Yiayia’s. He needed someone to talk to other than Scully.

His grandmother was delighted as always to see him. “Alexander! Come in, koukla! I’ve made your favorite soup!” Alex smiled weakly and let her push a bowl of soup into his hands.

“Alexander, what’s wrong? You look sad…” She turned down the TV sound and looked at him expectantly. The TV was never off…she was lonely and liked the constant chatter in the background. Even now she wouldn’t turn it off. Turning down the sound was as much of a concession as she would make.

“I’m fine. It’s just…my friend.”

 Yiayia nodded, “You friend Fox? The one in the hospital? Is he not getting better?”

He shook his head, “He’s out of the hospital, but…” He wasn’t sure how much he could tell her. She was aware of his own tastes for men and she accepted it even though it went against her own beliefs. But that didn’t mean he was sure he could tell her about Mulder’s relationship, much less his own attraction to Mulder. Still…he needed to talk so he found the whole story spilling out of his lips.

 “…and I can’t believe he went back to that ba- to that man. Why would he do that?” Alex slumped back in his chair and picked at the yarn of the afghan draped over the arm. He glanced up at his grandmother.

She looked very serious as she chose her words. “Why didn’t you tell me this before, Alex? I thought your friend was hurt at work. You say he was beaten by the man he lives with?”

Alex nodded miserably.

“Well…I think there is something you should know. I don’t know if it will help you or your friend, but I was married once before I met your Papu -your grandfather.” Alex glanced up surprised, he’d never heard this before. “…Your grandfather was a good man. Very nice. But the man I married first - he was not. He was violent and beat me many times…” She stared at the TV with a far off look on her face. Alex reached over and took her hand which she squeezed back but did not look at him yet. She slipped in and out of English and Greek as she spoke.

“I stayed with him for five years and he put me in the hospital six times. Once, he beat me so bad I needed surgery…he took me home when I was better and I thought I could leave him then, but I didn’t…I was afraid and ashamed. I didn’t want anyone to know that my husband beat me. That I made him beat me… And where would I go, anyway? I didn’t speak English very well and I couldn’t drive…I had no job, no money… So I stayed. And I would have stayed until he killed me, except for one thing… I got pregnant. I was so happy and so scared. I didn’t tell him until I began to show because I was afraid…I’m not sure of what. But when I told him…he got so angry that I had hidden it from him that-” his grandmother stopped with a choking sound.

Alex leaned in closer and felt her clutch his hand tighter. She finally looked up at him and finished, “…he hit me…many times…in my belly. He killed the child…I almost died, too. I left him then. I called my cousin that lived on a farm and begged him to take me in. He didn’t want to, but he finally came for me. It took a long time but I finally got a divorce and I met your grandfather a year after that. I was very afraid of men but Nick was very kind. I think he knew about my past but he never said so. I married him and had your uncle a year later. I was so glad…so glad I could still have children. And I’ve been blessed many times over.”

Alex let out a shaky sigh and reached over to the tissues, handing her one. She wiped her eyes and then grabbed his hand again. “So, your friend is like me. Scared and ashamed…don’t be angry with him. It is hard to change. To believe you are worth leaving such a bad man. My mother beat me many times as a child. I didn’t think it was wrong at first when my husband beat me. It took a long time…be patient. Tell him he has a choice. That you are his friend. And Alex…you need to tell him you love him. So he knows that he has somewhere to go.”

Alex found himself nodding but his mind was whirling with the story he had heard and thinking about what Mulder must be feeling. Did he really think he deserved to be beaten?

 

 

XXX

 

Two days later…

Jack shut the door after Scully and Krycek left from their most recent visit and returned to the living room. Mulder was sitting quietly on the couch staring out the window.

“Finally! I thought your friends would never leave.” Jack sat down next to Mulder and put his arm around his lover. “You know…we haven’t really been alone since you’ve been feeling better. Maybe we should take off this weekend. Go rent a room somewhere, go out…have fun… What do you say? Are you feeling up to it?”

Mulder glanced over at him. “I guess so...” Jack grinned and grabbed his chin, directing his head to the side for a kiss.

“Good. I’ll make reservations. I’m going to go make us some dinner and you need to take your meds.” He gave his lover one last kiss and went into the kitchen.

Mulder got up and followed him. Jack had opened the containers of food that Alex had brought from his grandmother and was emptying all of the food into the trashcan. “What are you doing?!”

He looked up from the last container and gave him a frown. “I’m dumping out that stinky Greek stuff your friend brought over. Yuck…you didn’t want to eat that slop, did you? I’m going to make us a nice pasta and some salad. Go lay down.” Mulder watched the last of the food disappear and Jack dumped the dishes in the sink before setting a pot of water to boil. He silently backed out of the room and went back to the bedroom.

 

Later that night, Mulder lay on his side of the bed, his back facing Jack as his lover lightly rubbed his shoulders. One hand dipped and began to rub his back slowly. Mulder squeezed his eyes shut and tried not to tense as the other hand dropped from his shoulder and drew down his spine and slipped into his boxers.

“Fox?” Jack’s low voice whispered into his ear, causing a shiver down his spine. “It’s been so long…”

Jack hadn’t really touched him since the hospital and Mulder had been dreading this moment. Knowing that a refusal would result in talking and possibly an argument, he simply nodded and leaned into the touch. His lover chuckled knowingly and the caresses became harder…more demanding. Both hands were in his boxers now, kneading the flesh, spreading his buttocks before returning to his hips and gripping him hard, pulling him back against Jack’s rigid flesh.

Jack rubbed his erection against Mulder’s crack through the boxer shorts; his lover was already naked and ready. “I’m going to fuck you so hard!” Mulder shuddered in both excitement and fear. He had only recently stopped aching in that area and the thought of being taken forcefully almost made him protest.

“Uh…” He stopped as Jack reached over and caressed Mulder’s erection. All of his fears began to melt as his eyes shut and he let go of his control.

Obviously pleased with his reaction, Jack pulled down his underwear impatiently and spread his cheeks apart once more, fingers rubbing at his opening. Mulder gasped and opened his eyes but didn’t look over his shoulder at Jack. “Lube” he whispered.

His lover sighed with impatient exasperation and flipped over to his bedside table. Mulder heard rummaging and grunts from Jack as he pulled off his underwear that was bunched down at his ankles. Just as he finished he felt Jack’s demanding hands grip him and pull him back towards his lover. “Got it. Spread ‘em.” Jack’s voice was hoarse with lust and amusement as he thrust a finger into Mulder.

“Oh!” Mulder clenched around the finger and had second thoughts until the finger crooked suddenly and found his prostate. His lover thankfully took time in stretching him but was quickly entering him once he felt Mulder was adequately stretched. With one powerful thrust, he gripped Mulder’s hips hard and pulled him down forcefully. The room was soon filled with panting and hoarse yells.

Mulder finally came with a shout with Jack finishing closely after him. Jack lay on top of him heavily for several minutes before pulling out. “God… So Fox, how was that for a welcome home fuck?” Jack chuckled and slapped his butt before getting up for a towel. Afterwards, they lay spooned in bed, Jack snoring in his ear as Mulder lay staring at the alarm clock’s illuminated numbers.

Images flashed before his eyes. Hitting the floor…flare of pain in his arm…his nose…Jack’s breath was hot on his neck as he panted…

 

XXX

 

That weekend the two men went on a trip to New York. Staying in a rather posh hotel they spent the days enjoying the sights and events around them and at night they made love in the large bed or the Jacuzzi. Mulder returned to their apartment in a far better mood. That weekend had been the best ever since perhaps the first month of their relationship. Jack had made sure Mulder was well taken care of; checking that he took his pain killers and got plenty of rest. The two of them had enjoyed time away from the everyday pressures and tensions that awaited them at home.

Mulder had been reluctant to return to their normal routine, but Jack had work Monday and it was time for Mulder to check in at work.

Skinner was surprised to see him in his office that day but eventually agreed that Mulder could work half days at his desk catching up on paperwork until his arm had fully healed and the cast was off. Mulder rode the elevator down in a happy mood, whistling tunelessly. Back at work things would be even more normal.

Stepping into his office, Scully glanced up surprised. “Mulder? What are you doing here?”

Mulder grinned and slung his jacket off, hanging it on the back of his chair. “That’s the problem with sick leave…people forget you work here. I’m just catching up on some paperwork. A half day.”

 

XXX

 

Alex had been just as surprised to see Mulder at work that day. As he watched the other man pack up his suitcase and head home, he found himself wondering once more how Mulder had let himself get sucked into an abusive relationship.

He knocked on the door of the X-Files department and made sure Scully was alone before he shut the door.

“What’s wrong, Alex? Mulder just left if you’re looking for him.”

“No, I was looking for you, actually. I was wondering how much you know…about Mulder’s past. His childhood.” Alex walked over and sat at Mulder’s desk. As he did so he glanced up at the pencils stuck in the ceiling overhead. They made him smile slightly before he turned his attention back to Scully.

She pushed back from her work and crossed her arms, studying him. “What do you want to know? His sister disappeared at age 8, Mulder was 12. His parents divorced not too long afterward… Mulder lived with his mother during the school year but spent most summers with his father. He left for college at an early age…Oxford and when he came back he was recruited by the FBI.”

Alex nodded, “Yes, but…what about his father? What do you know about him?”

Scully frowned at him slightly before sighing and rubbing her forehead. “I never met him myself. He died three years ago from a heart attack. Apparently he was an alcoholic.”

“I didn’t know his father had died…he never told me. Did he go to the funeral?”

Scully shook her head. “I’m not sure. I don’t think so. He barely mentioned it to me a year ago. I was talking about my father and he mentioned that his own father had died of a heart attack a couple of months after mine. He never really discussed his father. He talked about his mother more. I’ve met her a few times. She’s…a little cold. Indifferent. I don’t think she ever recovered from her daughter’s disappearance. From what Mulder’s said I think both parents blamed him for it.”

How could his parents have blamed him for his sister’s disappearance? Children are abducted everyday. There’s no rhyme or reason for it. And Alex knew that Mulder tended to heap blame upon himself. No wonder. His own parents fostered that belief.

“Scully, do you know if Mulder’s father…if he beat him?” The words sounded unnaturally loud in the quiet room. They seemed wrong somehow spoken in the X-Files office. As if, surrounded by Mulder’s work and obsession, they were somehow betraying the man by prying at his past.

Scully seemed to feel the same way. “I don’t think we should be discussing this here.” Alex sighed but agreed. Standing up he began to leave when she put a hand on his arm, stopping him. “Come by my place tonight…I’ll tell you what I can.”

  

Alex left work late that evening. Before he went to Scully’s apartment, Alex decided to visit Mulder. He dropped by the apartment after work and knocked on the door. Mulder answered after a few moments.

“Alex? Did you need something? Jack’s still at work. He called and said he’d be late.” Mulder fidgeted with the doorknob, not inviting him in.

Pushing past Mulder, Alex entered the room and walked into the living room. “That’s fine, Mulder. I didn’t come to see **him**.”

Alex sat on one of the pristine white couches that was decorated with black pillows. What on earth possessed Mulder to pick such sterile furniture, anyway? It didn’t seem his style at all.

Mulder didn’t close the door right away. As Alex watched, his friend stared out into the hallway as if expecting someone. Finally closing the door, he walked into the room but didn’t sit down.

“What did you want, Alex?” Mulder’s right hand went to his cast, his fingers dancing up and down the cast.

“Just to visit, Mulder. I wondered how you were. Will you sit down? You’re making me nervous.”

Mulder gave him a small glare before sitting down on a chair, keeping a distance between them.

Now that he was here and Mulder was acting so cold, Alex wasn’t sure what to say. The tense silence stretched for a few moments that were broken by the front door’s lock turning.

Mulder sprang out of his seat as if on fire. Alex found himself standing quickly too as Jack entered the room.

“What’s this?” Jack’s voice sounded slightly slurred but he stood waiting for a response. Mulder shrugged nervously.

“Alex just stopped by to give me some papers I forgot at the office earlier. He was just leaving.” Mulder looked over to him with pleading eyes. Feeling inexplicably guilty all of a sudden, Alex nodded and walked to the door.

“I’ll see you tomorrow at work, Mulder. Don’t forget Skinner’s waiting for that report.” Mulder and Jack stood frozen in their places as Alex let himself out. Once in the hallway, he let out a long breath and waited a few minutes. When he heard nothing but the deadbolt lock, he left.

 

Scully was waiting for him with Chinese food when he got to her apartment. “So where have you been? I gave up on you and ate already.” She dumped his food into a dish and popped it into the microwave.

“I stopped by Mulder’s first.”

“Oh? Everything okay?”

“Not really…he was nervous as hell. Jack wasn’t home and he was jumping out of his skin. Especially when the bastard came home.”

The microwave beeped and she handed him the plate. Grabbing some drinks she led him to her couch. “He wasn’t expecting him?”

“He acted guilty…and then he lied. Told Jack I was just there with some work papers. I took pity on him and said Skinner was expecting a report on them. He actually got me to lie for him. As if I did something wrong in visiting him.” Alex speared a piece of chicken but set the fork back down.

“Well…you wanted to know about Mulder’s childhood. I don’t know much, but…”

Alex lifted his eyebrows expectedly.

Scully sighed. “All right. I told you that his sister disappeared…Mulder was supposed to be watching her while his parents were away. He doesn’t remember much. I think it’s a form of traumatic shock…blocking out painful memories. They never found her body or any trace of her. Last year, remember the case involving the serial killer that Mulder had put away that killed little girls and cut out fabric hearts? The one that Mulder got in trouble for when he got him out?”

“Yes, I wasn’t in town but I heard the story from a friend at the bureau. From what I understood…Mulder let the killer get into his own head. Convinced him that one of the girls was Samantha? Mulder hasn’t spoken of it and I didn’t want to pry.” 

Scully nodded sadly, staring into her drink. “There’s still one heart…one body unaccounted for. I’m not sure, but I think Mulder suspects it was Samantha’s. I’m not convinced, myself. Mulder’s mother didn’t recognize the fabric and the killer didn’t have all the facts right. Mulder tricked him into the wrong house…It just doesn’t add up. Anyway, during the case we discovered a body…Mulder was afraid it was his sister but he knew once he saw the skeleton that it wasn’t. Samantha Mulder broke her collarbone. Mulder said it was an accident and I didn’t really think much of it at the time. But, when I think of all the other incidents that I’ve seen in Mulder’s medical records…he was rather ‘accident’ prone as a child, too. Several trips to the ER for large bruises and a broken arm. Put together they add up to a suspicious case, but no one ever investigated it as far as I can tell. No reports from Children’s Services. Mulder’s family is rather rich and prestigious…perhaps they were able to cover it up…or he slipped through the cracks. And if Samantha was abused, too… I- I don’t want to speculate without all the facts… But…there’s a small part of me that wonders…what if Mulder witnessed something that night? The night Samantha disappeared? What if his parents lied to the police about her disappearing before they came home? It would explain Mulder’s willingness to try and find another possibility for her disappearance… no matter how extreme.”

“Maybe that’s why Mulder feels guilty…if he couldn’t save her.” Alex set his plate down and then reached over and took her drink, setting it down as well. Holding her hand he looked her in the eyes. “We don’t have all the facts and it’s all conjecture. That’s one thing that Mulder seems to have in common with his family. He’s good at keeping secrets.”

A small grimace tugged on her lips, “Lots of secrets. I would have hated growing up in that house. No child should grow up like that. My own family didn’t have much money and we moved around a lot because of my father, but we were pretty happy. I’m very lucky to have Missy and my brothers. I can’t imagine how lonely Mulder must have felt after Samantha was gone…I guess he still is.”

 

XXX

 

Mulder watched Jack lock the door behind Alex and then turn back to him. Jack was silent as he turned his cold gaze on him. Nervously, Mulder started for the kitchen. “I was just going to heat up some leftovers-” 

He hadn’t made it halfway across the room when Jack grabbed his arm above his cast. “What was he doing here? Alone with you?”

“Nothing, Jack. He came with some papers and left. He wasn’t even here ten minutes.” Jack searched his eyes before letting go of his arm.

After dinner Jack collapsed in bed and fell into a deep sleep. Mulder watched the numbers of his clock until he finally fell into a fitful sleep. In his dream Jack was holding him down…forcing himself into him…the pain was building and building until he screamed- 

Mulder woke with a choked scream. Panting he looked over at his lover’s quiet form.

 

XXX


	3. Doubt in my Mind

XXX

 

Mulder simply focused on returning to normal: putting the entire incident behind him and moving on with his life and with his relationship with Jack. There _were_ incidents…fights…tense moments that resulted in either a blow or a rough bout of love making, but that was normal. Normal for _them_. Who was to say it wasn’t right? Occasionally Jack would come home drunk from work and pick a fight. But, Mulder should know better than to let it happen by now. And afterwards, the next morning or evening, Jack would usually apologize or do something special to make up for it. After all, Jack had a stressful job and the type of work he did put certain pressures on him. Who better than Mulder to understand the kind of pressures that come with catching killers or trying to find missing children?

As far as Mulder was concerned, the only real problem that wouldn’t go away was the way people at work treated him. The ‘incident’ had involved Skinner and a few other agents and even though the charges were dropped, gossip had spread like wildfire. Everyone knew that Spooky Mulder was gay and had been viciously beaten. A few knew that it was by his own lover, but most thought it was a random gay bashing. Whatever the cause, they now knew that Spooky was a homo. A fag. Filthy jokes and vicious gossiping over who Mulder was fucking **now** began to circulate. By the time he returned to work, it was commonly believed that he was sleeping with both Skinner and Krycek and just about any other man he had contact with. Scully was cast as his fag hag and she obviously had been covering for him for years. 

Not only was the gossip mongering at work making life unbearable…so was the way Scully and Alex treated him: as if he was made of glass. They tried to keep the gossip mill from reaching him but also tried to keep an eye on him at **all** times.   They were obviously checking him over every morning for new bruises and stopping by the apartment with lame excuses on weekends and evenings. They were both careful not to ask too many questions about Jack or his home life, but it was obvious with every glance or comment that they were burning with curiosity and concern. 

XXX

 

The phone rang and as Scully passed by Mulder’s desk she reached for it absently, eyes still on the paper she just picked up. Mulder reached over and snagged the phone from her. She glanced up at him with mild surprise before returning her eyes to her paper and sitting down at her desk once more. Scully listened to him answer the call with half an ear as she searched for a paperclip.

“X-Files.” There was a short pause before he answered, “Yes, this is Agent Mulder, how may I help you?”

Scully looked up and noticed Mulder quickly glancing at her before averting his gaze.

“Yes, I understand. Just give me the address.”

Interest peaked; Scully gave up her fruitless quest for a spare paperclip. She watched him listen for a moment before hanging up the phone. As he stood up and reached for his coat she stood as well.

“What was that?”

Mulder gave her a furtive look as he pulled his suit coat on hurriedly. “Oh, nothing. UFO sighting nearby. Probably a crank, I’m just going to go take a statement." 

He darted out the door before she could respond.

 

XXX

 

Mulder gritted his teeth as he pulled off the highway at the exit. Searching for the right street he pulled up in front of a run down building with the sign ‘Tip Top Tavern’ barely legible underneath a layer of grime. Parking in front he entered and headed for the bar stools.

Jack was slumped over the bar, head resting on the surface arms akimbo. A grubby glass sat next to him, empty, next to a nearly full ashtray and a bowl of peanuts.

The bartender barely acknowledged him with a nod before disappearing again. Mulder sat next to Jack and tapped him on the shoulder.

“…hunh?” Jack lifted his head a whole two inches before setting it back down again and squinted at him blearily. “Foxss…what’re you doin’ here?” He made another attempt to sit up and Mulder had to catch him before he fell off his stool.

“Time to go home. Come on.” Jack shook his head but stood up with Mulder.

“I want another…” he looked blearily around for the bartender.

Mulder steered him towards the door. “You’ve had enough. Let’s go sleep it off.”

Jack glared at him and pushed his hands away. He staggered out of the bar under his own power, heading towards his car down the street. Mulder headed him off. 

“Let’s take mine.”

“Fuck off.”

“Jack-” 

“Fuck OFF.” Jack fumbled with his pocket and pulled out his keys.

Mulder grabbed them and avoided a swing, pushing Jack back towards his car. Jack shook him off once more but got into the passenger’s side on his own.

The drive home was silent but tense. Mulder followed Jack up the stairs to the apartment and wasn’t wholly surprised when Jack grabbed him and shoved him against the wall as soon as he locked the door.

Expecting a tirade or a blow, Mulder grunted when his lover attacked his mouth instead. The revolting smell and taste made Mulder gag when Jack left his mouth and attacked his neck instead. Rough hands grabbed at his waist and groped at his belt.

Laying in bed a short while later, Mulder ignored the loud snoring and stared at his alarm clock. His eyes drifted down to the edge of the nightstand where he’d hit his head months earlier. His gaze traveled the distance to the area between his side of the bed and the closet doors. Staring hard at the patch of carpeting he didn’t notice the sound of the telephone in the background.

 

XXX

 

Pulling out a file from the cabinets behind Mulder’s desk, Scully turned and saw the back of Mulder’s neck as he leaned over. A faint bruise peeked out from his collar. It seemed to get both easier and harder to see those bruises.

Easier because they were so common and were beginning to become expected. Harder for the same reason but particularly because she could say ‘anything.’ The slightest mention of a new bruise or shadows under his eyes bought her a quick excuse and the cold shoulder for the rest of the day.

So she shut the file drawer and walked to her desk without a word.

Yet another ordinary day at the X-Files division. 

Mulder stared at his cold cup of coffee as if the depths would reveal some answer to all his problems. Scully sighed over at her desk and flipped a folder shut. He looked up at her but she was studiously avoiding his gaze. He couldn’t take the tension anymore. Standing up he grabbed his cup.

“I’m going to go grab a fresh one. Want another?” Scully nodded without looking up so he grabbed her cup. His had Marvin the Martian on it while hers was a tasteful, but rather plain dark blue. It reminded him of Jack’s favorite sheets. 

Their own dilapidated coffee maker had finally died a sputtering death last week so he marched up the stairs to the break room two floors above. Consumed with his own thoughts he nearly stumbled into the door of the break room which was open only a crack. Catching himself just in time he was about to open the door when he overheard it.

“…Agent Mulder? I couldn’t believe it!”

“What? Did you hear something new?”

Mulder debated the dangers of returning to Scully without the promised caffeine. As he hesitated he heard far more than he wanted. 

“Well, Kim from Skinner’s office…she let it slip that Agent Mulder **knew** his attacker. Really knew him, I mean.” The gossip was just too juicy for the teller not to embellish with a bit of melodrama. Mulder decided to just go ahead and get his damn coffee. But he could wait for an appropriate opening…the moment when one of them decided to choose some random man as his new boyfriend-of-the-week. Step in and fluster the hell out of them.

“Well, Kim said that Mulder had moved and that the man that was arrested was living at the same address. It was his own boyfriend, can you believe it?”

“Oh, my god. That’s terrible. Not a random gay bashing then? I can’t believe it…”

“I know. I couldn’t believe it either. I mean…he dropped the charges. And I think he’s still living with him. Can you believe it? You know that black eye he had a month ago?” 

“A battered – wow... I thought he was a psychologist, though. Why would he…” 

Mulder abruptly turned away from the door and returned to the basement. Entering, he dumped Scully’s empty mug on her desk and sat back down to his own work. Scully picked up the cup without looking at it and took a cautious sip.

“Uh, Mulder…?”

 

XXX

\--One Week Later.--

 

Friday

7:15 p.m.

 

Mulder set the bar down for Alex as his friend let out a long breath and wiped his face with a towel. They were working out in the gym after hours. Jack was on a stakeout all night so when Alex had asked him to spot him on the weights Mulder had agreed, somewhat reluctantly.

“Whew. That’s enough for now. If you’re done we can go wash up and maybe grab some dinner?” Alex grabbed his water bottle and looked up at Mulder who had yet to respond. “Mulder?”

“Hmm? Oh, sure.” Mulder headed towards the locker room as Alex trailed behind him, wondering what was bothering him. These days it was better to let Mulder get around to saying what was bothering him on his own. Any questioning by Alex and it would turn into a confrontation about Jack. Whether it was about him or not.

They quickly cleaned up and changed. Neither said a word though Mulder seemed to be glancing at him occasionally with a thoughtful look. They headed towards Mulder’s favorite Chinese restaurant.

As they waited for their meals, Alex sipped his coke and watched Mulder silently. The other man noticed and set his own drink down with a sigh. Raising his eyebrows Alex waited.

“Do you think of me as a battered wife?”

Alex sputtered slightly but managed to swallow most of the soda, wiping the drop on his chin that had escaped. “Uh, what?” he managed.

“Do you think of me as having battered-spouse-syndrome? Someone that is abused but enables their abuser by making excuses.”

Alex stared at him for a stunned moment before he took a deep breath and let it out with a gusty sigh. “You never go in half measures, do you Mulder?”

Their food arrived at that moment and Alex nodded their thanks to the waiter while Mulder stared at his sweet and sour shrimp without looking up.

The tension was uncomfortable but Alex knew this was a very important moment. A significant step, but if he handled it wrong…

“May I ask what brought this up?”

Mulder glanced up from his food finally and shrugged. “I overheard something… You haven’t answered.”

Alex glanced at his own plate of Mongolian beef and wished it had the answer. It didn’t. Steeling himself he looked back up and looked right into Mulder’s eyes. They were a murky green-gray. 

“Yes.”

The word wasn’t whispered nor was it overloud but it was cold and concrete.

The reaction was instantaneous. Mulder stood so fast that the chair he was sitting on flew out and hit the back of another of a person sitting behind him. Mulder didn’t notice, however, as he strode out of the restaurant quickly but silently.

Several heads turned from the closing door to stare at Alex sitting at the table by himself. Mulder’s plate had been upset by the hasty departure and half of the rice was strewn over the tablecloth. Alex stared at the mess as the waiter hurried over.

“Check, please.”

XXX

 

Mulder drove himself home on automatic. Before he knew it he was pulling into the parking garage and into his parking space. Turning the engine off, he sat there in the dark, staring absently at the wall in front of him.

Battered. The word sickened him at the moment. Made him a victim. Pathetic. He was a 37-year-old man. An FBI agent.

And Jack… Jack was an abusive drunk. Possessive, with a short temper and controlling ways. He hit when angry. Used sex as a weapon.

Fuck. He was in an abusive relationship and he _let_ the bastard abuse him. He **was** battered. The rumors were right. Fox Mulder was a battered spouse. 

A car door slammed a few cars away and he glanced in that direction a woman got out of her car and walked past on her way to the elevator. As he watched her disappear, he noticed Jack’s car in the space next to his for the first time.

Heading up to their apartment his mind raged within, trying to figure out what he was going to do. He put his key in the lock but the door was wrenched open before he could turn the key. 

“About fucking time.” Jack stepped aside and Mulder stepped past him without a word. “Out with Alex again?” It was said mildly but with the tone that Mulder had come to see as the warning not unlike a rattlesnake’s. 

“Yes.” Mulder dropped his wallet and keys in the bowl by the coat rack walked past him and into the kitchen. 

Jack followed him in, blocking the doorway casually. “Spending a lot of time with him lately, haven’t you?” 

Mulder grabbed a bottle of water from the refrigerator. “Not really. Thought you’d still be at work.” 

“Did you?” Jack snorted and leaned against the doorframe. “Got lucky, the shift before us caught the bastard…”

Mulder moved to exit the kitchen, Jack didn’t move, forcing Mulder to push past him to get out. 

“Smells like you celebrated already” Mulder commented dryly, he stepped toward the bedroom. 

Jack didn’t bother answering; he struck Mulder from behind, causing him to stumble before catching himself. He dropped the bottle of water as his hand went out to catch the wall. Turning back to face his lover he stared into the stormy face in front of him.

 

“God. You’re a real son of a bitch, aren’t you?” Mulder stared at him with widening eyes. 

“Excuse me?” Jack’s tone was threatening. Mulder stared at him. For once…he wasn’t afraid. And he wasn’t going to take anymore

“You heard me. I can’t believe I’ve put up with your shit for so long.”

Jack’s face twisted in fury as he swung his fist.

 

XXX

10:13 p.m.

 

A loud banging on his front door woke Alex from the light doze on his couch. Scrubbing his face as he stood, he quickly opened the door to find Mulder waiting desperately on the other side. 

“Mulder? What’s wrong?” Mulder’s left eye was swollen and a large bruise was darkening on his cheekbone. The bastard had hit him again. Pulling his friend through the door Alex locked it before leading him to a chair.

“Sit down, Mulder. Tell me what happened.” Mulder refused the chair and began pacing.

“I left him, Alex. He hit me because I told him I wouldn’t put up with it any longer. I don’t know what to do now, though…I forgot my wallet. I can’t get a hotel room and I don’t want to bother Scully at her mother’s and…” Mulder shot the words out rapidly, barely pausing for breath as he paced furiously, avoiding Alex’s gaze. 

Immediate elation at the news that Mulder had left his lover was soon dampened again by the fact that Jack had dared lay a hand on Mulder again. “Stop! Stop! Sit down, Mulder. You’re making me dizzy and you aren’t making any sense. You don’t need to go to a hotel room or _bother_ anyone. You can stay here, of course.”

Mulder finally sat down on the couch and sat slumped, his elbows on his knees. Staring at his hands, he avoided looking at Alex. “Thanks.” 

Krycek nodded and went into his kitchen. He opened his freezer and pulled out some ice cubes for Mulder’s face. What should he say? Tell him it’s about time he left the son of a bitch? No, that would be gloating, rubbing it in his face. He’d just listen. For now. And if he ever see that bastard again… 

Mulder was still contemplating his hands but looked up when Alex returned. He offered the bag to Mulder, noticing that the bruise was darkening. “For the swelling.”

Instead of raising the bag to his face Mulder gave a half smile and pressed it to the knuckles of his right hand. “Thanks.”

Krycek frowned and leaned in for a closer look. The knuckles were red and swollen, scraped raw. Looking up he saw Mulder’s grin widen slightly, his tired eyes lightening a bit.

“Well, you didn’t think I’d let him get the only one in, did you?”

 

XXX

 

Alex lay in his bed an hour later. Alone. Mulder had insisted on taking the couch and was currently surfing the channels of his TV at a rapid pace. The flickering light lit up Alex’s room as he stared at the ceiling trying desperately to cease the thoughts spinning in his mind. Mulder had left Jack. He’d hit the son of a bitch back and then left the abusive bastard. Now he was here. In his apartment. In his living room…on his couch. So close. Yet ultimately very far away.

After all, the man had just left a terrible relationship. The only long term relationship he’d ever had with a man. With anyone. Mulder wouldn’t be ready for another relationship for a long time. If ever. It would take time before Mulder was even ready to go out with someone casually. And Alex knew one thing for sure. He didn’t want something casual with Mulder. 

No. He wanted far more. 

But he couldn’t pressure Mulder. Couldn’t seduce the man in his most vulnerable state. He wouldn’t make that mistake. Mulder needed a friend right now. Someone to be strong. Listen. Be there for him.

Turning onto his side, Alex closed his eyes and buried his face into the pillow.

 

He woke suddenly at the terrible cry from the living room. Grabbing his gun from the bedside table, Alex raced into the living room, scanning the area for the threat. Had Jack broken in? Another choked scream, this time louder. Alex looked at the couch and saw Mulder writhing, his eyes were open but by the light of the TV Alex could tell he wasn’t seeing anything. Mulder thrashed again and called out, “No! Stop! Stop it! No! Please!” 

“Shh! Fox, it’s okay!” Alex fumbled with the lamp on the side table and finally turned the light on. Mulder snapped at the sound of his voice and sat up abruptly, clutching the blanket that had fallen to the floor. 

“Jack-?” 

Alex set the gun down on the coffee table and raised his hands in a peaceful gesture. “Just me. You had a nightmare…are you okay?” 

Mulder blinked at him for a moment and then suddenly covered his face with a hand. “Oh…sorry.” 

Alex cautiously sat next to him but was careful not to touch him. “No, that’s okay. Sounded pretty bad” Alex finished lamely. Bad? It had been awful. Mulder’s skin shone with sweat and his breathing was still ragged. 

“Yeah.” Mulder dropped his hand and pulled the blanket up further. “I’ve been having them a lot lately. Drove Jack nu- It’s just…I’m fine. Go back to bed” Mulder said firmly. 

Alex wanted to protest but could see Mulder was determined to shake it off. “All right. Goodnight.” 

Returning to his room, Alex found it impossible to sleep as he listened for sounds of distress down the hall the rest of the night. But Mulder never went back to sleep either, the TV light flickered rapidly again as Mulder changed channels for the rest of the night.

 

XXX 

Alex groaned as a small sound woke him up. Blinking at the light he glanced at his alarm clock. Damn good thing it was Saturday because it was already 11:15. There was another muffled sound and Alex realized that it was coming from the only bathroom which was connected to his room.

The door opened just then and Mulder strode out, hair and chest glistening slightly with water, a towel wrapped around his waist. “Oh! Sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you up.” 

“Mm, no problem. I can’t believe I slept this late.” Mulder nodded and continued to stand there awkwardly. Oh. “Help yourself to any clothes you need.”

Watching Mulder dig around in his chest of drawers was surreal. He quickly managed to avert his eyes in time when Mulder finished and turned around. 

“Thanks…” He had selected a T-shirt, pair of jogging pants and socks. Mulder clutched the clothes in his hands but didn’t move for a long moment. Alex sat up and began to slide out of the bed. Mulder hurried out of the room at his movement and shut the bedroom door behind him. 

Walking into his still steamy bathroom, Alex looked into the foggy mirror. This was going to be tough. Mulder sleeping nearby and walking around nearly naked in his apartment was going to be an extremely difficult matter of will power…

 

Showered, shaved, and dressed, Alex was in firmer control of himself when he emerged from his room and found Mulder in the kitchen making coffee. “So, what would you like to do today?” Alex asked carefully as he stirred in sugar and cream. 

Mulder fidgeted with his own coffee and didn’t meet his eyes. “Get a motel room, I guess. I’ll need to get my wallet and some clothes and-”

“Wallet and clothes I can understand. Motel room? Forget it. You can stay here as long as you want. I was thinking more along the lines of what you’d _like_ to do today…like a game?”

Mulder didn’t look at him. “Alex…”

“Unless you’re not feeling up to it. I guess you’re kind of out of shape and we ‘did’ work out the other night. You’re probably still sore…” Alex grinned when Mulder looked up at him finally with a mock glare. 

“I’m feeling ‘just’ fine.” 

“Good. Then we’re on. I’m going to mop the court up with you.” 

Mulder’s eyes gleamed with anticipation. “Really?”

 

XXX 

They decided to grab Mulder’s things first before enjoying the rest of the day. Alex drove them to the apartment and wanted to come inside but Mulder insisted on going alone. Drumming his fingers on the steering wheel, Alex let out a relieved breath when Mulder returned ten minutes later with a bag and a jacket. “Let’s go” he said quietly as he got into the car.

It wasn’t until they reached the parking lot of the gym that Mulder finally broke the silence. “He was there. Accused me of sleeping with you. Again. He was drunk. He was drunk last night, too. I’ve been worried about him…but he won’t listen.”

Alex didn’t know what to say so he stayed silent.

 

XXX

 

Jack had gotten Alex’s phone number.

“Pick up the FUCKING phone, Fox! I know you’re there. Screwing that fucker already?! I’ll kill you! Don’t think I won’t! Pick up the phone!”

Alex watched as Mulder ran a hand through his hair before erasing the message. Every day there was a series of messages to delete or listen to as they screened their calls. It was time to change the number…again.

The computerized voice toned again, ‘Beep, Message Four, 1:13 p.m…..’ “You fucker. I’m watching you. Fox. Fox, enough is enough. I want to talk to you. Just talk. Meet me at the apartment after work… You owe it to me to talk to me, damn it!” 

Alex watched Mulder’s face closely, sure he wouldn’t…? Mulder glanced up from the machine and shook his head. “I said everything I had to say that night. He knows it.”

Alex opened his mouth to say something but the next message had begun playing, it was for work. Jotting down the information, they listened to the rest of the messages quickly (all from Jack) and then deleted them.

That evening Mulder seemed nervous, jumping at every sound, checking the windows, but Jack didn’t even call when Mulder didn’t show at the apartment. Alex let out a sigh of relief as he settled into bed. He’d been worried that a messy confrontation would take place but apparently the man had finally gotten the point. 

He woke to another one of Mulder’s nightmares. They had never stopped. He usually had at least one a night, sometimes two. He got up quickly and went to the couch. The light of the TV flickered but gave him enough light to see Mulder’s face twisted in a grimace as he moaned. 

“Noooo….No, please, Jack! Stop.” 

Alex shook Mulder’s shoulder, it took quite a bit to wake him but eventually Mulder froze and stopped moaning. Gasping, he struggled into a seating position. Alex reached over and handed him a nearly full glass of water. 

“Thanks…” he rasped. Alex just nodded and left the hand that was still somehow on Mulder’s shoulder. “Sorry. I’m going to get a motel room in the morning. I’m just disturbing your sleep every night.” 

“You think that’s going to solve the problem? You’re the psychologist here, Mulder. You need to talk about it. Besides, you’d just get kicked out for disturbing the other customers.” 

Mulder didn’t smile, just looked off to the side. “You’re right… I just don’t know where to begin.” 

Alex shifted in his seat trying to get comfortable but the tangled blankets and couch cushions were in the way. “Well, maybe we should have the discussion somewhere more comfortable.” He got up, tugging on Mulder’s arm as he did so. He was glad when Mulder offered no resistance, simply followed him towards his room. It was only when he entered the bedroom and turned on a light that the other man halted. 

Alex looked back to see Mulder standing in the doorway, uncertain. “Come on, Mulder. You can’t be comfortable on the couch; I don’t care what you say. Just come and sit down for now. You can always go back to the living room if you want.” Alex wondered for a minute if Mulder would refuse. Did he think Alex was expecting something? 

Mulder didn’t respond, just stepped into the room and sat down at the foot. Alex sat down next to him. Waiting. 

“I’m remembering…things. At the hospital, when I woke up and talked to the doctor…he told me about my injuries…you remember?” 

How could he ever forget? Alex nodded and stayed silent. 

“I remember the fight…or rather, the moment he first hit me. I hit my head pretty hard and the rest was kind of jumbled… I remembered bits and pieces, he hit me…strangled me a bit…he was in a rage. But…that was all I remembered…” Mulder looked into his eyes for a minute before shifting his eyes to stare at the alarm clock by the bed. “The rough sex? I told you I liked it like that…I don’t…not particularly. And definitely not that night.” 

Alex reached out a hand towards Mulder but let it fall on the blanket between them, palm up in offering. Mulder looked down at it but didn’t reach out to take it. “I didn’t know…not until the doctor told me…that - what Jack had done-” Mulder’s voice broke and his face twisted, his eyes glistening. “He-” 

Alex didn’t think, he simply moved forward and pulled Mulder into his arms, holding him tight as his shoulders began to shake violently. Mulder spoke again, this time over his shoulder as he held him tightly. “He raped me, Alex. He raped me and I didn’t remember. I couldn’t…he kept banging my head on the floor…but at night…I remember parts of it. I kept blacking out during it…he kept-kept shoving into me and saying ‘Mine! Mine!’” 

Mulder shook and sobbed for several more minutes. Eventually he tired and his arms loosened from the vise-like grip he’d had on Alex. As he slowly relaxed, Alex gently pushed him down to lie on the bed. Pulling the covers up around Mulder he tucked him in. Turning off the light, Alex lay down again, on top of the covers close but not touching Mulder. 

He lay there, staring at the ceiling…numb. He was sure Mulder had fallen asleep when his voice suddenly broke the silence. “I don’t understand how I got into this mess… Was I that desperate? That lonely? Was subconsciously looking for a man that would do this to me?” Alex looked over at the dark form next to him but didn’t speak. 

“I wasn’t afraid to come into your bedroom, Alex. You’re one of the very few people I know I can trust completely. Thank you.” Mulder then shifted a little, turning on his side to look at Alex. He lifted his hand and sought out Alex’s. Holding it gently he smiled slightly and closed his eyes. 

XXX

 

One Month later…  

 

Mulder unpacked a box of clothes and shoved an assortment of T-shirts into a drawer.   Alex would be back soon with food, hopefully. They had just finished moving the last of his boxes into his new apartment. 

Glancing around, he decided that it would do for now. Besides the dresser and a few boxes, a brand new bed was all that stood in his bedroom right now. He’d probably end up sleeping on the couch but Scully had insisted he might want it someday. She’d said it with a lewd wink, too. Who knew what went on in that little red head of hers? Did she honestly think he’d find someone so soon? 

Closing the bedroom door he walked down the hall to the kitchen. The fridge was full, courtesy of Scully once again. Grabbing some sodas he heard a rather odd muffled knock. With one hand on his gun, he checked the peephole. Alex stood, arms full and something clenched in his teeth. 

“pn, ep, Mllr!” he growled.

He opened the door and Alex stumbled in, dumping his burden on the ground. He reached up and pulled a clear plastic bag from his teeth and held it up, triumphantly. 

“House-warming gift!” 

It was a bag full of water and two tropical fish; one neon blue and the other yellow with dark spots. Mulder took it and shook his head. “Thanks, but I don’t have a tank or anything…” 

“Yes, you do…” Alex tapped his foot against the box he’d set down; it was a large glass tank complete with filter, pebbles and an assortment of other fish supplies. “I got everything the guy in the store said you’d need. Why do you think I was so late getting the food?” He picked up the bag of McDonald’s from inside and grinned at him. 

Mulder stood there holding the bag of fish, staring at the tank and supplies. 

“Did I get the wrong kind…?” Alex’s smile began to fade at the lack of response and he began to babble apologetically, “I didn’t know what kind to get and the kid said they were-” 

Mulder looked up finally and held a hand up. “They’re perfect. I just…I wasn’t expecting it. I don’t know what to say…” 

Alex grinned in relief, “Well, you ‘could’ say thank you.” He turned to sit down on the couch with the food but Mulder put out a hand and grabbed his wrist and stopped him. 

Looking into Alex’s eyes with a smile he kissed him. Nothing more than a small peck on the lips. “Thank you. I like them…a lot.”

 

XXX

Alex stood in a long line for popcorn and sodas. Mulder was late and the movie was starting in five minutes. As he glanced around for any sign of him, he reflected on their life the last few months. 

Life never works out like in fairy tales… Mulder hadn’t just bounced back from the abusive relationship with Jack. There had been many troubling times…Jack had stalked him for a while before finally giving up on Mulder. Just a month ago they learned that Jack had died in a car accident, his fault: drunk driving. A mother and daughter were injured but survived. So the bastard was dead and Alex could breathe a little easier. 

The news had hit Mulder fairly hard as he’d felt responsible for Jack’s drinking problem and there had been many times that Mulder hadn’t been able to sleep and called him on the phone late at night to talk…or even shown up at his door to borrow his couch. But over time…Mulder had healed. He cracked jokes again, trounced Alex at basketball, even went out for a beer occasionally. 

As for he and Alex…well… Mulder had been slow to realize that Alex was interested in a bit more than a friendship. Even longer before he agreed to a date, thinking that Alex was out of his mind to want someone as messed up as Mulder. But Alex was nothing if not persistent and tonight was their official ‘first date’. And as if Alex wasn’t nervous enough, Mulder was late…he’d promised to take things slow…he wanted to take things slow, but what if Mulder had changed his mind? 

“Boo.” 

Alex barely managed to not jump at the sudden low voice near his ear. Turning, he found Mulder smiling inanely at him. 

“You’re late…” 

“Sorry, had to change and feed Buffy and Spike.” Mulder had insisted on calling the fish after that stupid vampire show. Alex was just glad that the two fish were still alive.

“And then…I had to get this.” Mulder pulled out a single red rose from inside his jacket and discretely handed it to Alex. 

Alex tucked it aside before they could draw any stares but found himself grinning foolishly. “You romantic, you…” 

Mulder grinned and leaned in a little closer to whisper. “I am now…”

 

XXX The End XXX

 

 

 

 

 

I used to think that love was just in fairy tales / Made for someone else and not for me / Love was out to get me / That was how it seemed / Disappointment haunted all my dreams…

 

Now I’m a Believer / Not a trace of doubt in my mind / I’m in love…

 

Lyrics from SmashMouth’s version of I’m a Believer ruthlessly stolen and misused for my own purposes…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was written ages ago. I want to thank the people who gave me such wonderful feedback back then. A few told me they were themselves survivors of spousal abuse and that they appreciated the story and how it was handled. I hope I did it some justice. Abuse is never okay. If you or someone you know is being abused please seek help. You are stronger than you know.


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